Who wants pictures?

I've finally uploaded a few to Flickr so here's a set of the latest Doodle bug pics & some from the lovely city of Seattle. Slideshow style. Enjoy it 'cause I'm too tired to think about writing anything.


Arg mateys!

Bad Blogger Me

Man I suck.

Good thing I don't get tons of traffic here. I'm just feeling bad for anyone looking for updates on our situation here. Because obviously there hasn't been much. We are having a good time. Adjusting hasn't been too bad. We are loving living in an apartment despite the noise levels. And the ants. I hate hate hate ants with a blazing passion. I've killed about 15 so far. They are teeny tiny so I'm not super freaked out, but they are pissing me off. How do they get up to the 6th floor?

Seattle is really cool. I've been exploring. Which doesn't leave much time for blogging. I've been taking pictures but I haven't sized them down yet so you'll have to wait yet another day. So far Doodles & I have done the Pacific Science Center, Experience Music Project & the Science Fiction Museum with Calvin, shopping day at Macy's, Nordstrom & the downtown shopping malls, Pike Place Market, the Capitol Hill area & more. Today I'm going to check out some cool apartments. Cross your fingers it's good & decently priced.

More later dudes. Plus pics.

Open letters

Dear Stompy McDrops-alot,
You are living above me & you are keeping me up & irritated. I don't want to hate you because I don't know you but you are starting to drive me mental. I do not want to be a bitchy neighbour or like that crazy guy from Friends who would poke the ceiling with a broom, but the loud walking has got to stop. Do you weigh 500 lbs? Because it sounds like it. I know that is not nice to say but I can't think of too many reasons for someone who lives in an apartment to not be aware that there are people living below them. Especially since you live on the top floor of this building. Also why do you like to run from one end of your apartment to the other at top speed between the hours of 11 pm & 1 am while moving what sounds like dead bodies & furniture? Because people are trying to sleep. People with a baby. Those kind of people are already so sleep deprived that any more interruptions will soon put them over the edge, probably prompting some broom ceiling banging.
Thanks in advance for buying some slippers,
The one below

Dear Baggage Handler Bitch at Toronto Pearson Airport
Thank you so much for storming into the U.S. Customs office to yell at us about our dog. Because we weren't stressed out enough. No really, we appreciate you not looking us in the eyes while you stomped around our luggage & yelled at us about the size of our dog crate while we were trying to make a good impression to the nice immigration officer who pretty much held our future in her hands. Also, thanks for having the patience to listen to us. Beyotch. For your information the size of the kennel we purchased was the size listed for our breed & size of dog. And he is shorter than your average Dalmatian. Despite your concern, we know that he could turn around in the crate. He could also stand up. Please see picture a couple of posts below. He's just lazy. We know he was stressed but so were we & for you to come into an area where you should know people are already on edge was way over the top. To yell at someone you don't know, not knowing their situation & not knowing what sort of pet owners they are is frankly, none of your freaking business. It's wonderful that you obviously care so much about animals but frankly, screw you.
Yours truly,
Someone whose dog drives them crazy but would never hurt a freaking fly (well, maybe flies... & ants. And creepy crawly basement dwelling bugs.)

Dear American cable provider
Why are 80% of your channels devoted to sports?
Just curious,
Not a sports fan

Dear makers of Crocs
I don't get the hype.
Perplexed,
Miss Narrow Feet

Dear Air Canada
Please stop serving PC General Tao's Chicken. It really, really sucks. Also, if you know that summer is the time for backpackers, maybe you should stock up on those plastic bags before the season begins. Because it's really nice to have the seat that cradles our precious baby go naked through the filthy caverns of your baggage carousels.
Thanks,
Yet another traveller who is tired of your crap

Adjustments

So obviously I'm not posting as much lately. To improperly quote HBM this baby is kicking my ass. That & the whole move & time difference adjustment. I've been napping when Doodles naps just so I can catch up on my sleep & by the time she goes to bed at night I'm too exhausted to devote any time to writing. The little monkey won't stop moving & it seems she must be touching me at all times. If she gets brave & crawls away from me to get a toy she turns to make sure I'm still watching her & have not gone more than 5 feet. If I get up to get a glass of water & she notices that I'm gone she starts crying & crawling after me. If I'm standing up she must stand beside me & will pull herself up on my pant legs & sway there until I pick her up. My (sweat)pants are only held up by a flimsy drawstring so they are spending an innapropriate amount of time way below waist level. I'm looking like the dude I saw at the airport the other day whose basketball skater shorts had their elastic waistband halfway down his thighs. Of course I'm not wearing cool boxers under mine so I'm not really getting away with this new look. Thank goodness it's too much of an effort most days to actually get dressed & go out of the apartment so I don't have to worry about the state of my drawers.

We've been hanging around the apartment quite a bit. It seems to take so much effort & time just to get organized to go out now. Plus the baby hates putting on clothes. And diapers. Actually, the diapers have been easier to put on in the past few days for some reason. A Wonder Week perhaps? I've lost track of the developmental stages. I know she had a growth spurt a while ago & she's a total crawling, standing, walking with assistance machine. She stands up by herself now & balances for up to a minute or two. She got her fangs still coming through & now one of the middle ones is making it's way out of her tender gums. I thought the drool was bad before but all of a sudden we've got puddles of saliva all over the place & I can see a little rash under her chin where the spittle likes to pool in the cute folds of her neck. Yuck. The little monkey has also developed quite the temper & will scream at the top of her lungs & then make this weird yelling sound. There's different levels of both the scream & the yell. We were at DEFCON 2 on our ride from the airport to our apartment the night we arrived in Seattle. First the dog started whining & then barking because he was stuck in the crate in the back of the massive vehicle we rented. Then as soon as we put baby in the crappy rental car seat she started to lose it. She was super tired & I couldn't sit beside her to comfort her because of the crazy amount of luggage back there so Calvin & I were stuck in the front listening to the most horrible screaming & crying that would be interrupted by high pitched dog whines. Then the barks. Which would set off the screaming. It was fun.

Anyway, we made it minus our eardrums & our sanity to the furnished apartment that Microsoft puts us up in for a couple of months while we look for our own pad. It is situated in between the Belltown & Queen Anne neighbourhoods of downtown Seattle, really close to the Space Needle. We're not sure if we're going to look for another apartment or go back into a house. We've got enough crap for a house but we're all liking the compactness & simplicity of apartment living. The dog is more manageable, the mess is definitely more manageable & I & the baby are liking the carpeting. The furnishings are nice & comfortable, you can watch the security cameras on tv, the view from the communal rooftop terrace is great & there's a workout room downstairs. On the negative side the towels are linty, the noise from the traffic & the gulls are taking some getting used to & I really need some more hangers but all in all, it's a cool place. Lucky us.

Sleeping in Seattle

(C'mon you knew a title like that had to be coming some time or other.)

We made it. I think we're all in one piece. Perhaps a little worse for wear but safe & sound. It was quite the adventure getting here but I'll leave that tale for when I've had a few more hours of much needed sleep. Right now we're getting settled & unpacked & getting to know what's in our immediate vicinity. That & watching Big Brother. Woo hoo!

Anyway, that's it for now. I'll try & update tomorrow but it depends on the Doodles mood & if she wants to let me use the laptop or just be her slave all day as usual. I'm betting on slave.

No we're not (+ my tv unmentionables)

Dog + United Airlines at Ottawa Airport = SNAFU

We're still here & back at the Westin. We tried to get on our flight. We were early. We checked all appropriate websites regarding travel with pets. We were told just bring the dog in to the check-in counter & away we would go. Then the supervisor guy told us nope. Since the new terminal was built United Airlines has no access to the animal cargo or something like that. So.... they changed us to an Air Canada flight going to Vancouver & then on to Seattle. No problem. We checked all our million pieces of luggage, including our oversize crap & thought we were all ready to go. Calvin calls the lawyer (visa specialist dude) & gets told no way. Don't go through customs at Vancouver because it's likely we'll get majorly delayed & have to spend a few nights with friends or at another hotel. Don't even think about it. Oops. Back to the ticket counter & supervisor Denis (we love you!) cancels our A.C. flight, calls back our luggage & books us on United for the next day. Of course there is still the dog issue. Our options are to send him Air Canada cargo or Fed Ex him. O.K.

So we've been at the airport since 8:30 am. By now it's lunch time & I've only eaten one third of a croissant plus some of the Doodle's cheerios. Calvin goes to transfer our luggage to the 24 hour holding tank & I feed the crazy monkey until she falls asleep in my arms while sitting at the U.S. Departures area. Then the tv crew comes along. Well, a camera guy & Trish the reporter from A Channel doing some shots & interviews about whether or not travellers know about all the recent restrictions to carry-on luggage. I agree to an interview, cover up the boob, try & smooth down my hair & start babbling about lip balm. Ya I start talking about my addiction to lip balm. Great. I blame the lack of food. This is probably the 6th time since I've moved to Ottawa that I've been interviewed or been on tv in some capacity. Am I that approachable? Anyway I was one the news at 6:00 today making stupid faces & comments about packing bare necessicities for the baby. And my hair was really frizzy. And then they showed a shot of my toiletries bag that we had taken out of our checked luggage so I could brush my teeth tomorrow. Lots of Ziploc bags. I love me some Ziploc. So ya, I was on tv. Again. Still doesn't beat my shining Tom Green moment.

So back to the SNAFU. Calvin talks to the lawyer again & things are ok so we find an internet terminal thingy & make some calls to try to get re-booked at the hotel & the car rental place. Finally we get the go ahead from Mission Microsoft Control & we rent a car, shove the dog in, & drive back downtown to re-check-in to the Westin. Calvin calls FedEx first because that's what Denis told us to do. We are told that they don't ship live animals or dead animals & so Calvin asks what about live animals that end up dead? Nope, none of those either, neither? Air Canada Cargo says they can do it but not on the weekend because Seattle won't accept doggie cargo then. WTF? Because dogs go bad come Friday? Whatever. Call the kennel we use. They would normally take him to the airport come Monday but they are totally full. Damn you vacationers! OK So we're thinking who can take him for us? Who wants a dog? We almost gave him to the check-in woman at United but thought the spur of the moment decision would probably come back to haunt us eventually. Start checking out other flight possibilities. Figure out & then finally confirm that we can fly tomorrow to Toronto, clear customs there & then get a direct flight to Seattle that gets us there around 8 pm. Excellent!

Of course our moving van can't go anywhere until we get our visas faxed to the company so it's sitting there, waiting, costing a wad of moolah outside of our former house. Since the house is still full of packed boxes it's impossible to go in & clean up for the next owners. Since I am so burnt out I barely even care. Even though we are here for another night I can't call anyone up do more goodbyes. Even though I should. Even though I missed a few or didn't do some very well. I am done. We walked around the Market tonight & had a Beaver Tail (Killaloe Sunrise of course) so I am satisfied. I am done & satisfied (don't let your dirty minds go anywhere they are not supposed to perverts). I can do no more & the baby cries again. Goodnight & goodbye once more my friends.

And we're off

It's been a slice. We're off to the airport now so blogging probably won't happen again until we get to the apartment in Seattle tonight. Will try to update tomorrow.

Bye Ottawa. We love you.

> 30 Hours + Terror Plot = Panic Mode

We'll be going to the airport about this time tomorrow. I am expecting major delays & severe security checks. As far as it stands this moment we can't bring any liquids on board & we'll have our shoes scanned since we are bound for O'Hare & then Seattle. If security gets stepped up to UK levels we might not get to bring on any carry-on luggage. I completely understand the precaution & I don't want to complain but over the past two days I have undertaken the most intense packing job of my life. It's been a mathematical conundrum & balancing act of major proportions, trying to assess the right amount clothing, toiletries & shoes needed for 8 weeks of living.

Since we are moving to the U.S. we are not allowed to move food, liquor, medicine or plant items so we've also had to pack up vitamins, cold medicine, Tempra, a bottle of champagne & baby food into our luggage. Sure, we could leave this crap here, but we've already given away hundreds of dollars worth of food, booze, clothing, baby equipment & the like, that I figured if I could fit it in, take it. We bought two huge suitcases to fit all this stuff & it was hard work getting everything we need in them, plus the regular sized suitcase, the Rubbermaid tub full of bike crap & the stoller to be our checked luggage. Then we each get a regulation sized suitcase as carry-on & as well as a big as we can personal item. Oh and there's also the dog crate. At least we got a seat for the baby so we are allowed this much. If we didn't we'd be screwed.

Now I am wondering, if we have to check our carry-on, will they be charging us for extra baggage? The possible logistics of this new development are stressing me out, not to mention the entire thought of international air travel at this point. Combine this with the move & you got one big freak out. Oh ya, Calvin also let the baby roll off the Heavenly Bed last night while I was in the Heavenly Shower. Things are grrrrrreat!

edited to add: Happy Birthday Susanne & belated wishes to my sis Andrea & anyone else I might have missed in internet land.

> 7 Days

We're back from our trip out West. It was fun & hard (& not in a party hard dude kind of way). The Doodles' mobility has increased exponentionally since my last post & she won't stop moving. Plus she's more than a little attached to me & screams almost everytime someone else tries to hold her. If they manage to hold on to her for more than 20 seconds she spends the time in their arms scanning the room for me & when spotted will strain & stretch & twist with hands stretched out towards me. Also, two more teeth have sprouted & not the top two middle ones but the ones beside them. I like to call her Fang. To top it off she's decided she needs to grind the top left one against her bottom two & I am now cringing at the sounds coming from her little mouth.

So anyway, I've been trying to write this post since we got back on Tuesday & obviously haven't had much luck. First I was totally bagged with the jet lag & so that combined with the stress of upheaving my life across the continent, selling our house, conversing with lawyers, accountants, movers & relocation specialists, the baby craziness & the fact that our luggage took two days to get home making all of us not still in diapers a little less than fresh, well, made for some delays in getting anything written for all you folks out there still reading this blog. Are you there still? I understand your reasons for leaving but I promise I'll write more some day soon. There's also this little problem I seem to be having with my laptop. Someone else in this household really likes using it more than I like letting them. I'm not naming any names or anything since they pay most of the bills, but everytime I go to check my email & whatnot, this jackass has signed me out, logged themselves on & started downloading stupid mountain biking videos. To top it all off, the other little person in our household is also in love with the computer & would like nothing better than to bang on the keyboard all day long playing this game or watching some cute videos. So what's mine is no longer & all my time is spent stressing about the amount of time I don't have to fit all that I want into it. That & trying not to herniate any discs as I walk the Doodles around the house going back & forth between the dog & the mirror.

Anyway, here's the facts. We are moving to Seattle. Next freaking Friday! Calvin starts work at Microsoft on the 14th. Visas are acquired at the airport when we go through customs. The movers cannot load up the van until we fax them a copy of those visas from the airport. The movers start packing our stuff next Tuesday so we get to spend a few nights in a hotel. (Which hopefully won't be anything like the Holiday Inn we stayed at for 2 hours on Monday night in Calgary & had to leave because we weren't getting any sleep since the loudmouths next door couldn't speak to each other unless it was at the decibel range of a heavy metal concert. The offered upgrade was not taken because we figured since we were awake we might as well try to get on standby for the redeye.) The house is sold. 5 grand under our asking price so we're pretty happy. We are not allowed to move any plants, liquor or foodstuffs so if anyone needs any spices or scotch just ask. We are throwing ourselves a going away party tomorrow. If you live in Ottawa & want to join us we'll be at the Royal Oak at Pretoria Bridge from about 3:00 onwards. This is not an invitation to steal stuff from my house. Unless it's spices or booze. I have a headache. Maybe I need some booze. Or spices. Ya, spices.....

Gotta run, baby awakens yet again.....

It's Official

We are moving. I tried to tell you yesterday but stupid Blogger was down again. I also tried to tell you slyly in the last post. I've hinted at adventure & spoke of chaos but I couldn't spill the beans until we were totally sure what was happening. Now we know & I am rapidly losing my slippery grasp on what sanity I had left.

Where are we going?

Seattle.
Washington.
U.S.A.

So Calvin can go work for the company you probably can't do without. So that next time Windows pisses you off he can share your pain.

I have so much to do & not much time. We are going out West for a couple of weeks on Sunday, then we're back for a week & that's it. That's it! Unless we don't sell our house. (Hey, wanna buy a house? It's cute.) Then I might be stuck here with the baby & the dog (Hey, wanna buy a dog? Scratch that.... he's free. Seriously.) all by myself until that's all settled. We've had some interest since we put it up a week ago but no offers yet. Fingers crossed please. We've been purging & cleaning the house like mad & packing up stuff that we don't need. It's never been cleaner & it now almost feels like there's nothing to do because I don't want to create a mess that I'll just have to clean up again. So it's almost as though I have nothing to do.

And yet I have no time to read my daily blogs or write in this one. It'll probably be like this for a while yet I'm afraid. The Doodles is keeping me very busy hanging out on the bed playing with her all day long. Seriously. All she wants to do is hang out on our bed rolling around, climbing over me, practicing standing up & sitting. Sometimes she'll let me take her downstairs to stand up at her piano thing & maybe sit in her playpen for 15 minutes so I can watch a little tv while I eat something. She has separation anxiety so bad I can't be out of her sight at any time or the screaming ensues. She wants to be in my arms constantly & yet when I'm holding her she twists & squirms so hard that I'm afraid she'll thrash right out of them onto the floor. Oh ya & she's been sick again with a horrible cold / flu. Fever, sore throat, coughing & now she sounds like a purring cat with the rattle that comes with not being able to hork up some mucus.

So life's enormity is crashing down on me & I'm just trying to keep afloat. I write blog entries in my head that I'm sure you would all love to read. Too bad I can't get to my computer until I'm too exhausted to write coherently, let alone spell properly. All those witty words & deep ponderings on the meaning of starting over in another country fall like a word jumble out of my brain as soon as I start basking in the glow of my laptop. There's so much else to do, like email everyone the news, google rental properties in Seattle, search for Seattle bloggers (call me!), think about looking up mother-baby group things to do once we're there, make lists of all the stuff I want to do here before we go, make arrangements for things like visas, selling the house, the cars (sniff), various things we don't want to take..... this goes on & on. I am making lists in my head when I go to bed. I am so tired but cannot sleep.

I am excited & stressed & full of wonder at what this all will bring. Wish us luck.

Read Between the Words

Did you miss me? Too bad. You must be without my oh so pleasant company for a wee bit longer. No time for blogging. Must organize life.

"Vacation" was good. Babies. Lobster. Swimming. Rain. Growth spurt. Doodles learned how to pull herself into a standing position. Is now cruising around her crib, the couch & whatever else she can get her grabby little paws on. Am afraid. Mobility is scary.




(If you get my little puzzle don't post any spoilers in the comments or I'll have to sick my crazy baby on your ass.)

The best laid plans

So I'm all ready to go down the street to a playdate & yet, now I sit here typing this up. I'm unshowered but the hair is washed, dressed in un-sweatpants like fashion, even a wee bit of mascara on to make myself look more awake than I actually am. I've had 2 large cups of java to get myself going & the Doodles is all dressed & ready to go. While I was making myself presentable she was playing away in her crib, having fun with her musical guitar (I know, what is a guitar if not musical.... whatever, it makes noise and has no strings). I decide to see if she wants to nurse before we head out & she hoovers away at my boob until she falls asleep 3 minutes later.


Sleeping beauty

How can I wake that up?

So anyway, this week I am suffering once again from insomnia & am ready to kill the dog & anyone else that crosses me. It started when Calvin was gone for the weekend & the dog decided to stay up all night whining because he must've had a stomach ache. How do I know that? Because I had to let him outside at midnight, 1:30, 3:45, 4:50 & 6:00 am. Because even with doing that he still took a dump in the basement. Not something easy to pick up either. No it had to be the slimiest, most gag-inducing crap I've ever had the un-pleasure of trying to scrape into three layers of plastic bags & the biggest handful of industrial strength paper towels ever. After that the dog disturbance abated but my so did my sleep. I've been lying awake at night for hours thinking & ruminating over what chaos I might come across next. It's driving me bonkers.

Some of the chaos involves going on a plane tomorrow. Me, the Doodles, my friend & her 16 month old are about to fly to Halifax to visit another mutual friend. I'm super excited to go but a little nervous at how the plane ride will end up with a squirming 19 pound (?) monkey girl on my lap that likes to practice her operatic screeching whenever someone needs to concentrate. I've been going over what to pack, how the whole check-in security gate thing will work with her in a Bjorn & whether to give her a dose of Tempra / Gravol ? before we go. Dope her up? Nurse on take-off & landing? Bring earplugs for nearby passengers?

I gotta get some sleep man.
Like this preferably....

Sweet slumber.

Not sure if I'll get a chance to post over the next week while I'm gone so miss me ok?

Happy Father's Day

This is for Calvin..... (turn your speakers on silly. If you can't see it here's the link.)



We love you dude.
No matter what happens tomorrow, we're proud of you. But we know you are gonna do great!

Happiest of Father's Days also to my dearest, most generous Dad & to good ol' Kenny Boy. Sending you both love & kisses across the distance. Smooches from me & screeches from Freyja. Calvin probably just wants to send you beer.

To all the dads out there, happy day to you. Here's to you getting breakfast in bed, homemade cards from your kids & lots of ties.

Happy Birthday Amma

Til hamingju med afmaelisdaginn!

P.S. Happy Belated Birthday Ruth!

Because I am busy "cleaning up my house" before I start an afternoon of drinking Margaritas on a patio somewhere I am being blog lazy & posting some fun links for you all to waste your time with. If you get bored, come join me & some other drinkin' mommies on our shady patio in the Glebe somewhere. Just look for the line up of strollers outside the bar.

Linkage.....
You do not want to wake me up this way. Trust me. I would kill you if you tried any of this. That means you Todd.

Secret Agent Hasselhoff, Rhinestone Hasselhoff, Hooked on Hasselhoff & of course the Hasselhoffian Recursion. I know some of you have never seen these goodies before. Don't blame me if you go blind.

Dizzying drinking ska monkeys. Don't watch if you are hung over.

Can't go to Vegas to see the Bellagio Fountain? Here's a cheaper version. Mmmmmmmentos.

If you do have some money & can get to Paris on a Friday night, this looks totally awesome.

You've seen this stuff already haven't you? Too bad, it's cute & funny. Stuff on my cat. Cute Overload.

Plus all the things you never told your husband. True Wife Confessions. (via HBM - hillarious!)

I am alive

Plus I didn't hold up any traffic.

Us on the other side. (Please ignore the huge bags under my eyes - I am tired. Plus I am squinting from the sun. Oh, who am I kidding? They're always there.)

The evil bridge of which I spoke.

I would like to thank Alan Neal at CBC Radio for keeping my mind from focusing on what lay ahead. I would also like to thank the tailgater for backing off when we were on the bridge. As it was, I had to hum very loudly to cover the noise & tried not to think about how the metal grate below me was making my tires wobble.

The wave of relief that washed over me once we made it across was tremendous & I would've started crying except that I had to then drive into an underground parking garage. These also give me the creeps.

Yes, I know I am weird.

To distract you from my weirdness, here's a couple more pictures.

The view of Parliament from the Museum of Civilization.


Douglas Cardinal's Architecture

The exhibit? I went to see Petra: Lost City of Stone. It was quite good. Lots of carved stone, prints & artifacts. Most interesting was the Nabataean civilization's use of water from desert springs 5 km away that was ingeneously channeled through the canyon city. Really cool. If you are into that sort of thing. The displays were nicely organized & the well thought out graphically.

The Doodles was marvelously well behaved & once again got lots of attention since she was in the Bjorn. She had a great time trying to grab the letters off of the printed display boards in the exhibit & then sucked on some watermelon when we were done. We saw some ducks, some rabbits & a gorgeous yellow finch. All in all a great day.

P.S. Note to self. Avoid Children's Museum on a Tuesday afternoon in June. Those kids were wild I tell ya. Wild. And also, they did not look where they were going, ever.

P.P.S. I did not give my child a bath today. Nor did I do any crunches. I did eat some delicious pizza though. Just thought you should know.

Culture terror

I am about to do something that terrifies me.

In order to go see this exhibit, I must drive over this bridge. As I have explained before I have an irrational fear of driving on a bridge over water from which I might be flung to my (now our) deaths(s) at any moment say if I was rear-ended or something. Some bridges are fine, this one is not. It is high & makes weird noises. Sure I could take another bridge but that would take way too much time, burn more gas, etc. Plus, I should face my fears right?

So for those in Ottawa, if you hear that some moron is backing up traffic on the Alexandria bridge it's probably me.

If my fears come to fruition, just know that I loved you all.

Time warp meme

I am pretending I was tagged for a meme (though technically I think I qualify being from the Great White North) because I read over the memory I was going to post this morning & it needs some revision which I have no time for. Plus who am I kidding? I never get these things out in the morning unless I wrote them the night before & come evening lately I've been too exhausted to even think. Anyway, I thought this was kind of neat & I liked reading everyone else's time lines so here you go.... (I suck at games so if you want to do this then Tag you're it!)

20 years ago I was...

• Trying to climb out of the hole I put myself in by skipping too many classes in Grade 11, being an angsty, depressed & surly teenager. I had been in a full International Baccalaureate program but had had a bit of trouble with the advanced math, primarily because I hated it & there were a couple of math genius boys in my class who would snicker & make fun of anyone who had trouble. Hence, withdrawal & daydreaming in class which led to not learning much which led to failing tests & eventually the class. In the end I only graduated with partial I.B. certificates. Oh well.
• Dancing my heart out every day I could at RWB, trying my damndest to strengthen my weak ankles for pointe class. Eating only a couple of bran muffins during the day & maybe some taters from Taco Time in Eaton Place before ballet class with my friends. OK I was a bit of a mall rat, but it was the downtown mall with all the alternative weirdos so it was cool all right?
• Involved with my first serious boyfriend. He was a mod. He had a couple of scooters that I never got to ride because they were always being repaired. He tried to get everyone to adopt a new nickname for him. Ace. It didn’t work. He tossed me in the snow once when I was at home sick in my pajamas. Turns out he was an ass.

10 Years ago...

• Calvin & I were living in the Glebe, hanging out a lot at Irene’s & the Arrow & the Loon. Seeing a few bands, having fun.
• I was working at a boutique-y women & children’s clothing / linens store called La Cache for this totally evil manager. Seriously, this woman a few screws loose. She thought everyone (especially me) was out to take her job away from her, she was a bitch to customers, treated the staff like idiots & was supposedly having an affair with some rich married gentleman who lived in Europe. She’d have strange conversations (with him?) on the phone & ignore people who came to the cash. This was the only job I ever quit. The owners were coming in so the night before I did I really good job tidying up. The next day she accused me of stabbing her in the back, etc., etc. I went to the stock room, changed my clothes & walked out the door. I never went back despite her calling me 20 million times after bedtime.

5 Years ago

• I was graduating from Interior Design & stressing about my portfolio, organizing a grad show & worrying about getting a “real” job (still not done) after my work placement was done

3 Years ago...

• I was about to celebrate our 1st anniversary of trying to call my boyfriend of 11 years my husband.
• I was in London getting irritated & bored with our self-guided tour of Jack the Ripper hot spots. Getting excited about flying to Iceland in a few hours.

1 year ago...

• I was feeling the bun move around in my belly
• I was having the worst heartburn of my life that would not ever stop until a week after I pushed her out of my hoo-ha
• I looked like this & obviously liked my dog a whole lot better
  

So far this year…

~ I’ve found immense pleasure in a tiny little thing that

• lights up my day with a no longer totally gummy smile
• sucks on her first two fingers of her left hand only
• squeals with delight when I read her a book

~ I learned it was a lot harder to

• breastfeed than I ever thought possible
• leave my dear sweet baby alone with anyone not myself
• let Daddy do it his way

Yesterday…

• we gave a newborn child a Moses action figure for her Christening
• we took the long way home just to keep Doodles asleep
• I wouldn’t let my hubby have a nap because I wanted to go for a walk

Today …

• we went to the library & Starbucks (how cool am I?)
• I read Mr. Brown Can Moo for the zillionth time & realized that neither of are sick of it yet
• we came home to slimy dog shit in the baby’s room. I almost puked three times cleaning that stuff up.
• I wrote this thing in chopped up bits of time that I snatched when Freyja finally napped

Tomorrow…

• I will probably not do half the stuff I should
• I will read Mr. Brown… & Owl Babies over & over again & like it
• I will give my child a bath, promise
• I will remind myself to do some crunches but then will promptly forget about doing them until the next day

This year…

• We will eventually get the Doodles to eat some solid food so I can fill her up enough to sleep longer through the night & can therefore get her to sleep in her crib a bit longer
• I will feel guilty for making my baby sleep in the room down the hall & will miss her little body snuggling in the crook of my arm
• We will travel East & West to show off my chipmunk cheeked baby
• We will hopefully be going on a big adventure that will bring on happiness & terror all at the same time.

More of the same + Firefox blows goats

So I was once again interrupted whilst trying to blog last night. The silly baby turned over in her sleep again, woke herself up & hollered until I came to rescue her with some boob action. She did this about 8 times throughout the night & I had to get up & rock her around the house 3 times to get her to settle down again. Also gave her some Advil once because she kept rubbing her gums & grabbing her ears so I figured those sharp little teeth were bugging her again. It's been stupid just trying to blog this week. Blogger was down for a day & being totally dumb & then stupid Firefox kept crashing on me. Since it's been doing this for a while now I've been writing most of my posts in Word & then pasting them into Blogger so I don't lose everything I've written. If I don't do it this way I try to remember to hit the Save as Draft button every so often just in case. Of course I forgot to do this yesterday when I was typing away during the early evening slumber & lost everything. I am a dumbass. And Firefox can bite me. I don't care if it is a better web browser, it pisses me off.


Hi, I'm happy! I don't care about Firefox. Just give me a piano to bang on & everything's coming up Millhouse.

See?

Happy happy joy joy! I am surrounded by things I can make noise to torture uncaffienated mummy with.

So ya, what else is new? I've covered the dog love, the Seacrest love, the love of twisting (my god the twisting!) & the crawling in her sleep. I've mentioned the teeth & her testing of what she can bite. She seems to know now that the boob is not for gnawing on for which I am ever thankful but everything else is fair game. We've made the foray into biscuits this week & she loves those but the slime trail they leave on her clothes leaves a lot to be desired. Even better, when she sticks her mushed up biscuit fingers in her hair. After an Arrowrot or Mum Mum episode she is covered in this gooey paste from head to toe so we've been getting a few more baths lately. Bathtime is a favorite except it means me also getting in the bath since she's too big for the infant one now & I kinda broke the convertible one that was on loan to us (sorry Barbie!). Calvin will bathe her leaning over the tub but my back just can't take that for any length of time so I just get in with her. She'll splash around like crazy & suck on her duck, cup or fish while I try to keep her from slipping out of my hands the entire time. It's like holding onto an eel with all the squirming.


Having a snack, getting some tail.

Bad snack!! Where has Eeyore been putting his tail?!

As for other eating endeavours we have been less successful as my sustenance is much preferred over anything that comes in a jar. I make attempts (in vain it seems) every day but as soon as I put her in the high chair the crying begins. I get maybe three, four if I'm lucky, spoonfuls in her mouth & then it clamps shut & she turns away, twisting once again in her chair to get as far away from the spoon as possible. It's just easier to give up & give her what she wants instead of fighting the little demon. I try & make it fun, I try different foods (except the meats - that's Calvin's job because that stuff makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit every time I open a jar.), I am patient & persistent but it's just not going as well some of us would like. I was a bit stressed about it but the doctor assures me it is ok as long as I keep trying, others I talk to say it's fine & if it is still happening when she reaches 1 year then they'll start checking iron levels & such. She's growing so that's all that matters. I suppose we could just feed her biscuits for the rest of her life - there's gotta be some nutritional value to them. Right?

Let's see, what else.... did I tell you she squirms a lot? She's totally kicking my butt these days but apparently I'm not the only one so that makes me feel a little better. I get very little done during the day anymore due to the constant demands of my attention. This is communicated through screaming & shrieking at the top of her lungs. It's a barrel of fun let me tell you but I think I should get my hearing tested in the next few months because it's like living with Megadeath. With the new teeth she's been exploring her mouth with her tongue a bit more & experimenting with the noises she can make. Besides the shrieks she also produces this hillarious "mumumum ma ma ma ma" sound that makes my heart swell while I laugh at her, as well as a curious "ba-bo-bo" when she sees a book. This morning I swear she said "ruff" when I showed her the blue hexangonal dog toy so I know she's a total genius.

See, she already knows how to multitask.

"I am composing a letter to a Ms. Drover to see if she is indeed the long lost relative of a certain T. Drover who was unfortunately killed in an automobile accident along with the rest of his millionare family in Nigeria. She needs to send me her banking info so I can transfer an enormous sum of money into her account."
"Of course it's legit mum! Buzz off!"

Anyway, I'm sure there's more to tell all you good people, but for the life of me I can't remember anymore at this moment. She's beaten me to a snot & I hear her stirring once again so I better go rescue her before she rolls over one more time or the screeching starts up.

Chillin'

The old adage rings true + I hate Firefox

Time is flying.
Yesterday the Doodles turned 7 months old.

Around this time last year I was just beginning to feel you moving around in my belly. Thinking about that makes me feel so connected to you (I know it's cheesy but hey...) & when I spy your cute little bellybutton I wonder about our attachment to each other. It is staggering to think how deep within me you were & I know I will always feel that closeness even when you are far from me. There's been days in the last week when you are driving me crazy & I forget about it in my impatience (sorry my little kitten), but when we are just lying down together in that snoozy dream-like state it gives me a sense of peace.

And then anxiety.
Because the attachment breaks apart a little day by day as you grow bigger & more brilliant.

Sometimes I just sit & watch you & your little brain at work figuring out all the different ways you can smack one of your rattly toys against your leg or how to get those linked rings apart again after I've put them back together for the umpteenth time. The way your eyes light up & a huge grin crosses your face when I bring out Mr. Brown Can Moo, Can You? or when you talk & coo to the Owl Babies. Now you know what it means when I put you in the high chair (torture) or walk into your bedroom (baby jail) or when I get the car seat ready (acid bath) so I know you are remembering or associating places with some type of consequence. Sometimes you get all in a huff when I take you into your room, thinking I'm going to put you in the crib for a nap but surprise, you get a diaper change instead. Psych!

You are now completely in love with the dog & want him in your sights at all times. If you so much as hear the clicking of his nails on the hardwood floors down the hall, you whip around excitedly until he comes into the room & then you follow him with your eyes like a hawk. You will sing & screech at him if he so much as looks in your general direction & if he starts barking because his nemesis has walked by with his provoking owner or because the only person who still loves him comes home from work, you bounce up & down & cackle hysterically. He tolerates you pretty well & lets you poke his face & grab tufts of fur out of his back. Every once in a while he'll try to lick your face to show his appreciation but I try to prevent this as much as I can because a.) you break out in hives & b.) I know where his tongue has been.

The last few days you've been a bit of a pain in the ass (I tell you this with all the love in my heart) because nothing is making you happy. I'm not sure if it's those dang teeth or because you haven't passed anything besides the stinkiest farts known to mankind in the last 4 days. (Since it's taken me hours to get this out she's finally pooped much to both of our satisfaction.) In fact it all seemed to start on that evilest of evil days so I hope your behaviour isn't an Omen to anything more than some irascible behaviour. I certainly won't be hiring any nannies anytime soon so I think I'm safe, even though I'm a bit grumpy & worn out. I guess you are going through the stage where you realize I can walk away & leave you by yourself so you want me close to you all the time & are very demanding of all my attention. I used to be able to sit you on the floor playing with your toys while I read blogs did housework. Now you want me beside you all the time entertaining your every whim. That's fine but by the end of the day I've got nothing done & am completely exhausted. You will scream within 5 minutes of being placed in your car (exersaucer) & will try to scramble out of your bouncy seat by contortioning your body like some Cirque de Soleil performer. If I am holding you in my lap, you twist & turn & try to do back flips out of my ever strained arms & all hell breaks loose if I try to feed you while I'm sitting up.

I christen thee Twisty Mc Twists a Lot until further notice.

Your sleep habits have changed a bit as well & you are not going to bed as early as you were a couple of weeks ago. It's no big deal but it means I have to pvr all my shows so I can watch them the next day. Sometimes you'll stay up & watch them with me so that's cool. You seem to really like So You Think You Can Dance & I can't blame you as it is my new favorite, but I think you miss Ryan Seacrest who was your first great love before the dog. You would giggle at him every time he graced the screen with his gelled presence. You don't like Canada's Next Top Model as much as the American version & I have to agree that gorgeous as Tricia Helfer is, she just does not have that drag queen je ne sais quoi that Tyra Banks exudes. We also both wonder why does 90% of Canadian programming have to have that Canadian tv quality to it that makes it look like you are watching someone's home movies on network television. I've asked our friend in the biz this question but never got a straight answer so I call conspiracy.

Anyway back to the sleep patterns. The problem seems to lie in the fact that you are attempting to crawl in your sleep. It must be the best time to work out those complex problems but it's a bit frustrating for you when you are lying on your side almost zonked out & then you turn your head & finish the roll. This is when you either start crying because it woke you up from your light slumber or you turn to me & give me an impish grin because you get to stay up past your bedtime again. Once you are on your belly you then begin your Ashtanga series starting with the Cobra, then Cat/ Cow, followed by Downward Facing Dog, the Plank, Upward Facing Dog & finally end up with a modified Child's Pose & Happy Baby /Dead Bug. You are in better shape than I am that's for sure. No wonder I keep buying clothes for you instead of me. You look way better in them.

ok i will finish this tomorrow.... it's bedtime trouble again

Peek-a-boo!

Tramampoline! Trambopoline!

In grade eight I became champion in the trampoline war that was gym class. And I almost got my ass kicked for it.

I was always more of a geek than an athlete in school so I would get teased for being a bookworm or smarty-pants & almost always got picked last in gym class. Even though I knew it was coming it was always hurtful. There’s a certain sense of shame that goes along with this that you just aren’t good enough & when you believe it I think it just becomes this perpetual cycle of sucking. If you think you can’t hit that stupid t-ball you probably won’t. Don’t think you can play floor hockey because the boys hog the puck/ball then you most likely won’t take a chance to score a goal. Trust that the volleyball is going to hurt your wrists when some athletic classmate spikes the ball in your direction & it’s gonna smart like a bitch. So you end up standing back being utterly useless & fulfilling the presumption that you are not worthy of ever being picked first.

The gym teachers I had never tried to make a difference either. Just like in the movies there was the requisite butch lesbian who made us play golf & floor hockey, dodgeball & climb the dreaded ropes. There was the super hefty jock who made us run in circles & then play that evil volleyball game where the boys thought the goal was to hit the ball at any girl as hard as they could. Sometimes our geography teacher would come in make us do calisthenics until we all wanted to puke. Those were the worst days as he was a real masochist with a very quick temper. Once he threw a desk at this sweet kid named Aaron just because he passed a note in class. Anyway needless to say they weren’t the most supportive mentors to pathetic weakling students like me.

It also didn’t help that most of the kids in my new junior high had been together since kindergarten so they had their cliques & friends firmly established. It was like trying to break into a bank with a heavy security detail. The only way I found any sense of cool was being friends with the other new girl in school who had the most perfectly feathered hair, great clothes & pretty eyes that all the boys like. Plus she had a big sister who could kick all kinds of ass if she wanted to & she smoked so that made her ultra-cool. Turns out my new best friend was pretty good in gym class too so that gave me a little protection & with that a little more confidence. This I turned into a few decent performances such as running in those stupid circles. Seems I wasn’t the fastest runner but stamina I had plenty of & ended up running more laps than anyone else. I also lasted one of the longest in the first Jump Rope for Heart contest things in the school. So I was finally good at something other than reading & it felt pretty good. It didn’t make me any higher up the echelon in the picking order but it didn’t make me any enemies either.

That is until I found what I was really, really good at in gym class.

The trampoline was something everyone looked forward to all year long. We didn’t learn anything too fancy on it though some of the boys tried to do back flips when the teacher wasn’t directly looking at them. What we did on it was play a game. A game called Competition. Two people at opposite corners would jump three times then sit on their butt & then get up to jump again. It went on like this until someone couldn’t get up again. So it was 3 jumps – seat-drop - jump - seat-drop - jump - seat-drop, etc. like getting up from a chair & sitting back down repeatedly. Sounds silly & simple but there was an art to this game & it was in the timing. And the stare down. I perfected both & started demolishing my opponents. I’d give them the eye from my corner & then somehow with my super rhythm I’d get them off balance so they could not get up again no matter how hard they tried.

This was the best gym performance of my life & even the teachers were a little surprised that this nerdy scrawny little kid was kicking some major butt. So were the cool athletic girls who were my only real competition. I think there were about 5 of them & they were pissed that I was going to take the title away from their leader Mona. She was the only one that came close to beating me & our competition lasted for almost an entire gym class. I ended up winning but in doing so I was suddenly at the top of the cool girls list of people they wanted to beat up. I was terrified. Nowadays the stuff they did to me would qualify as bullying & might get them in shit but back then it was every kid for themselves. The only protection I had was in sticking close to my best friend & at the front of the class where I had several heads between them & myself to deflect the spitballs.

For some reason we traveled to another school for our home-ec / shops classes. They’d taunt me on the bus saying they would beat the crap out of me after school or at recess. In baking class I was put into a group with two of them & we were actually buddies until the trampoline incident. After that they made me absolutely miserable so I would try to help my friend’s group instead. The teacher would always make me go back to my own kitchen area with Maria & Angela where they wouldn’t let me do anything to help like add ingredients or even stir the bowl. All I got to do was wash the dishes & then to top it all off, they wouldn’t set a place for me at our table where we were supposed to partake of our delightful banana muffins, triticale honey bread or scrumptious yet healthy date squares. One time they all cornered me in the girl’s bathroom & I thought I was a goner but all they did was threaten me some more & pull my hair.

I think it finally escalated at recess one day when we were playing in the snow outside. Somehow they got me up against the fence & started yelling at me, calling me all kinds of names I’d never heard before & shoving my face into the snow. I was soaking wet & cold by the end of it but they never actually beat me up. All these threats they didn’t make good on. I finally knew they were as chicken as I was – they just had strength in numbers & even with that they still weren’t as tough as I thought they were. I told my best friend what happened when we went to band class & I think she told her sister. Who knows, maybe she threatened them or maybe they decided I wasn’t worth the effort. In any case they dropped most of the bullying after that, though I still had to deal with dirty looks. Then I got mono & when I came back to school I had my saving grace in the form of a sick note from the doctor that excused me from gym class for the rest of the year.

At least trampoline season was over & I went out on top like a champ.

Obviously I've missed a couple of my scheduled Monday Morning Memories but one of them was a holiday & the other, well I don't remember what happened. So this is me catching up, making amends so to speak. I know it's not morning once again so perhaps I should drop that from the moniker but I still like the way it sounds & there's nothing like a little guilty prodding to make me think I'll get in in before noon the next time.