Monday, January 23, 2006


So sweet cheeks was 11 weeks old yesterday which is kind of freaking me out. Everyone (you know, they) said that time would fly so fast & I have to agree. It feels like I'm playing catch up all the time & the days are gone before I know it with of course not much to show. Uh ya honey, today I fed the baby & made myself lunch & I would've done a load of laundry except for the fact that our dryer is still not fixed. Ya you heard me. Broken appliance. Make that two of them. Both our washer & dryer managed to die about two weeks ago. Not good when there's mounds of poopy spit-up covered clothing to be washed. Not to mention we were in the middle of making the switch to cloth diapers. Good times people, good times. So now the washer is fixed but we are still waiting for a new drum for the dryer which is taking forever since it is some special extra capacity one or something. I hate air-dried clothing. I know that's completely the opposite of the environmentally responsible cloth-diapering persona I am espousing to be but I absolutely love my dryer sheets. That warm fresh out of the dryer softness beckons to me whilst the stiff n'crunchy fabric resulting from a lack of Bounce just makes me cringe. Plus I can't imagine how it feels on the baby's sensitive little tushie. Yuck.

Besides the dryer issue, the cloth diapers are working out pretty well. We bought 2 dozen pre-folds & 2 covers plus an all-in-one which I love. We need a couple more covers & I'd like a few more of the Fuzzi-Bunz but the amount of pre-folds seems to be working out well as we only use them at home. It's just more convenient to use the disposables when we're out & about & I've got no room in my backpack (screw the diaper bag thing) for a plastic bag full of dirty diapers. The cloth ones sure make her butt look big but they've also helped clear up the diaper rash a bit so I guess that's a pretty good payoff for having a wide load. Too bad I can't say the same for myself.

The first month after the birth I thought all my dreams (unrealistic fantasies) of bouncing back into some form of relatively decent shape would come to fruition. I mean, I'd been doing so good for the second half of the pregnancy going to yoga class, body-flow class, walking the dog every day & even swimming from time to time. Then in the first three or four weeks afterwards the pounds were melting away as I sweat copiuous amounts of excess fluids out of my pores every night. Hell, one night I lost 6 pounds - it was freaking awesome. But with all the sweating & the breastfeeding came The Hunger. I could eat all the time & for a while I did. Then I noticed the halt of the 6 pounds a night weight loss & decided that hey, maybe I shouldn't be eating every 1.5 hours. I've started going back to the gym for a class once or twice a week & man are they ever hard. Especially all those damn core exercises. Ugh. This past Monday we tried a new mommy-baby exercise class at Starr Gymnastics which mostly involved more of those lovely core exercises on the ball. It would've been great except the bun decided to cry for about 85% of the class. Good thing she likes to be bounced on the ball. I also try to get out for a walk as often as we can but some days are too cold & other days Freyja's just too fussy to attempt bundling her up. The girl hates the snowsuit plus the hat & mitts might as well be squirrel feces or some other equally noxious substance. Top that off with being strapped into the car seat & we've got baby meltdown. So the walks don't always happen. We went yesterday but had to cut it short because I thought we were going to have a case of shaken baby syndrome on our hands with the crappy condition the sidewalks were in (the roads weren't much better). I've also gone on a couple of runs so far & they weren't too bad except for the sore boobs. I'd like to do more but our schedule or rather, lack of one is making it difficult.

So.... what this means is that I am uncomfortable with how I feel & how I look. I never expected to be able to pull off a Heidi Klum & I know it all takes time but I just feel blah. I don't want to spend money I'm not making on new clothes even though I need some because nothing fits right anymore. I'm a whole bunch of different sizes - stuff that fits on the waist is huge in the legs & shirts that fit my chest look boxy all the way down. I've tried going to Old Navy & checking out some sales at the mall but the only stuff that feels like it fits are sweat pants. Though one can never have too many pairs of comfy lounging house pants / leisure suits what 'd really like is a pair of jeans that don't give me muffin top or on the other end of the spectrum end up looking like this. As for tops, my boobs are so freaking big that I either look very matronly (Speaking of matronly this is what I found googling for an example. Very weird.) or super slutty. Though I'm sure Calvin & his buddies would like nothing better than to have my cleavage spill over it ain't happening. At least until I pull one out to feed the little monkey. Then the show's on.

Speaking of boobs, we went to our first La Leche League meeting last weekend to see if we could get some help. Of course there was a snowstorm & an accident blocking my route so we were late. It was what I expected & yet not. There were the older babies that looked almost ready for school & a couple of really granola moms but for the most part it was just like the other mommy group I've gone to but with muffins & fruit to boot. It sounded like a lot of the other mothers had experienced the same problems as we are now with the thrush & the Reynaud's. I didn't really get any more info from them as to what to do that I haven't already read on the internet but it helped knowing that there were others out there who managed to continue breastfeeding despite the problems. I didn't get a chance to ask someone to check our latch because I was already running late to meet some friends for shopping. Of course by the time I made it there with all the snow & crap they were already done & gone. Sorry guys. I think we'll try another meeting this week & stay for the whole thing this time.

Last week thanks to the wonderful Geoff & Katherine we had an evening out sans baby. It was good & weird & bad & tasty. We went to A Taste of the Glebe which was basically like a food & booze show but without needing tickets to the separate tastings. The community centre was set up with tables from many of the restaurants in the Glebe offering delicious samples from their menus. Surprisingly I think I liked the haggis from the Oak the best. That and the dates wrapped in bacon. mmmmmm. And of course the wine. Anyway, the place was packed & we were stuffed by the end of the evening. It was strange with both of us being away from Freyja for that length of time. I've gone out a couple of times to the gym leaving her alone with Calvin which is hard enough but this time I found myself not only worrying about her but also about our poor babysitters in the event of her freaking out. We got back to their place just over 2 hours later & she was sweetly passed out in Katherine's arms. Apparently she did have a bit of a meltdown before finally falling asleep & I'm sure it was worse than they let on so thank you both again for putting up with the little monster all the while you were trying to get the Timbit to sleep himself.

A few other firsts have occured lately. Yesterday I managed to give her a bath all by myself & there was no screaming afterwards. Usually I wait for buddy to get home so he can get some quality bonding time in. Sadly because we have no real schedule the babe has been going without bathing as often as she should (not as gross as you think & her skin gets dry if we do it too often anyway). Plus whenever we do the tag team bathing she freaks out afterwards. Yesterday I wrapped her up in extra towels & snuggled to keep her warm before moisturizing her skin. No screaming, no fussing. Nice.

In the past few days I've also been able to put her down for a nap before she's fully asleep & she's managed to pass out within just a few minutes all by herself. Well, with her trusty hair dryer cd of course. Nothing like a little white noise from the hair dryer to make the bun zone right out. That & her newly discovered hands which she now sucks on like some ravenous vampire. She's also become quite adept at blowing bubbles & producing copious amounts of drool. I'm just hoping it's not some early teething episode coming on - my boobs cannot handle that right now.

So that's first cold, vaccines, babysitting experience, scream-free bath from mommy, decent naps plus a couple of 5-6 hour nights of straight sleep, first LLL meeting & tomorrow, first gay cowboy movie. What a difference a few weeks make.


Connie said...

Laura, You make me laugh. I can certainly relate to feeling blah ... I've gained 5 pounds this week and have a set of boobs that just won't stop leaking colustrom. To top that off I've had a cold for three weeks and everytime I cough or sneeze I wet my pants. I was fully prepared for leaky boobs/bladder post-partum, but noone prepared me for the pre-natal leakiness. Why does noone ever tell you these things?? Probably too much information but I'm just in a sharing kinda mood. Those super models are just freaks of nature. I think the key is lesiure pants. Wearing stuff that doesn't quite fit just makes you feel even more blah. Don't worry and don't be too hard on yourself. You're just one woman!!! I'm sure you'll feel like yourself in no time.

bunmaster said...

I think no one tells you because it's some sort of conspiracy. Before getting knocked up everyone said oh you'll love having kids, it's the best thing, that sort of crap. The minute you tell everyone you're pregnant they're all laughing evilly about the lack of sleep you'll get & the damn hormones!
Leisure pants rule during & after pregnancy. I just feel like too much of a slob to wear them out all the time. At home I don't give a crap.
Hope the leaking calms down soon!