Saturday, August 27, 2005

Feeling much better... with no swearing

Now that I know you were all shocked (SHOCKED!!!) at my language in my last post I figured I'd let y'all know I cuss like a sailor all the time. But only for punctuation purposes. And mostly at home or in the car. And here you all thought I was this innocent prude. You've all met Calvin right? I'm patient, but not that patient.... Sometimes the appropriate swear helps get the point across much better than some other expletive. Plus its fun. And shocking!

So I've now stocked up on Zantac again. Life is much better when there are no burning bits of bile lodged in your oesophagus (I always thought that started with an e). Especially at the 2 - 4 am time slot. The drugs don't totally make the heartburn disappear, but at least make it more manageable. I'm still constantly belching which is mighty attractive if I do say so myself. Especially in gym class or yoga or the grocery store. I'm one sexy mama! Now if I can just figure out a way to get my legs to relax as I try to doze off and get rid off the aching hip pain I'll be all set to get a good night's sleep. Ya right, as if that's gonna happen.

I've now hit the 32 weeks mark. That's 8 months. Holy crap! My sources tell me that the bun should be about 4 pounds & about 19" long (head to toe), plus the brain now looks like a mass of spaghetti (FSM anyone?) that can hear & process all the swearing I've been doing. I think the little parasite is also sucking all the iron out of my prenatal vitamins & leaching any calcium left in my system because I'm now lacking in energy again & I feel ridges on my fingernails. If I take any more iron I'm sure I'll never have to go to the bathroom again which could be a nice change from the regular IBS afflicted intestinal tract I posess. The calcium thing is a bit of a problem though since the lactose intolerance is intolerable and would mess up that fine iron balance I'll be working on. For you who think lactose intolerance is just some popular tv affliction, I'm here to tell ya its a literal pain in the ass. (Whoops! Looks like I swore again, but at least you hear that one on tv all the time now so you probably didn't even notice... until I pointed it out of course.) You try asking wait staff constantly if the dish you want to eat contains any dairy & see how soon you feel like Meg Ryan in When Harry met Sally (oooo now I'm dating myself).

Anyway, time to get ready to go burp along to yoga class & then its off shopping for patio stones with my aunt. Wheee! I must however, before I depart, wish several pals a big hearty congrats in the baby-making department. Now we know you had sex! Mine of course was conceived through some sort of immaculate conception that might have involved a lot of tequila and a piano bar. Seriously though, congratulations to all of you (I won't post your names on the information super-highway unless you want me to)! It'll be nice to commiserate with a few more ladies who are in the "family way".

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