I'm still here

Barely.










Just waiting for the words.

I think they are too scared to come out of hiding. It must be pretty comfortable wherever they are.

Anniversary 5 Oh

No card for you Sugar Daddy.

No Facebook gift either because I'm too damn lazy to enter my credit card info.

Just my thanks for 5 good years.

Love your ball-&-chain.

Travelling

We've been in the Toronto area for the past week for my step-brother's wedding (which was beautiful). Family obligations like shopping together, visiting relatives & trying to keep the only boys in a family of girls from getting out of hand, have been keeping me busy. Right now I'm sitting around in Brampton, kind of stuck but not minding it because I need a bit of a break before we head off to Newfoundland bright & early tomorrow morning. I am however, missing out from meeting up with an old high school pal so I'm feeling sad about that. Hopefully we'll be able to get together sooner rather than later.

Not too much else to say but Doodles is doing well even though the first few days were a bit hellish with the screaming & all. Of course, now that she's adjusted to the time difference we are throwing another jet lag curve ball at her so I'm sure the screaming will return for a few days after tomorrow's journey. Is it all right if I wear ear plugs for the next few years? Can they be permanently installed?

I am so not cut out for this job

I'm not good with this tantrum stage. It wears me down & burns me out. I'm trying my best to deal with them but it's like living with a manic depressive on crystal meth. One minute Doodles is sweet as pie, calling me "mama" & giving me kisses. The next minute she's thrown herself on the floor, screaming at top volume, bawling her eyes out because I told her not to eat lip balm. If we're out on the town she'll take it to the next level & add in some shin kicking & thrashing herself out of my arms because I have to drag her away from some fine china.

This was my yesterday & the day before & a few days before that as well. It was happening a couple of months ago but we nipped it in the bud with more sign language. All of a sudden the tantrums are back & with a new intensity. I'm not good with conflict. I hate loud noises, like high pitched screaming. I hate feeling embarrassed by bad behaviour (ya I know she's only little, it's a stage, blah, blah, blah). I hate not knowing what to do. I hate feeling angry & frustrated with a little kid. I hate it when she won't listen to me (or can't hear over her screams). What the hell am I doing wrong?

Maybe it's all in the stars. This was my horoscope yesterday:

"Stress might be getting the better of a member of your household today, dear Virgo. This person is feeling especially volatile emotionally, and the least little irritation could set off a temper tantrum. Try to ease the pressure by staying out of the way - and don't offer advice, however well intentioned it should be. This person needs to come to terms with whatever may be bothering him or her. So distance yourself and do your own thing!"

Other than the tantrums, she's doing great so I'm trying to concentrate on that to get me through the days. Her language skills have really taken off lately & she's got about 150 words in her vocabulary, plus all her animal noises. She's kind of freaking us out with her parrotting & we're going to start having to watch our words really soon. Doodle Bug already know how to say "ass" & Sugar Daddy keeps egging her on to say it. She knows most of her letters & colours, though she gets them mixed up from time to time. She's trying to count & will call out the numbers 8, 3, 10 & 18 as she goes down the stairs (which as of yesterday she can go down forward, no hands - talk about scary!). They aren't in order of course but it's pretty cute. So these are the things I try to think about when she's being a crazy nutbar & hope that the next developmental stage is around the nearest corner.

I was hoping it was the leather one

so I could ask for something like this, or this, or even these.

But alas, the second anniversary calls for cotton, or wow, "desk items".

That's right. I've been writing under the Bunmaster masthead for two years. If you can call it writing. Or maybe the lack thereof. Unwriting? Perhaps it's like an Unbirthday. If that's the case you are welcome to do as the song suggests ..... "It's great to drink to someone and I guess that you will do." You being me, not you. You get to drink. Me? Maybe. If I don't pass out from the pain of these freaking cramps first. I forgot what this could be like. Ugh.

I'd like to be all cool & link to a few of my favorite posts like the well-read bloggers do but lately I feel nothing I've done really warrants a closer look. If you are desperate you can go here for last year's explanation about me blogging. Or if you want a really good laugh check out this meme I did last June. Crunches? Nah. That crap about getting the baby to sleep through the night - still hasn't happened.

Oh the naivete.

In no particular order....

Good:

• America's Next Top Model finale is on tonight.
• Doodles learned how to say her name (almost understandable).
• She woke up this morning saying "cat".
• The weather here is awesome.
• I have yet to kill my dog while Sugar Daddy is away on business.
• I purchased new fingernail clippers that I will now hide from my husband.
• Doodles also learned how to walk backwards & sideways & now throws these skills into her dance repertoire.
• Ben & Jerry's ice cream is cheap here so I don't have to drive to Stowe for the free samples anymore.
• Facebook is fun.
• Doodles has been napping for the past 2.5 hours. Ack!

Bad:

• I don't know how else to put this but the dog is pissing shit.
• The dog stinks & I refuse to wipe his ass.
• Frizzy hair.
• I ate too much Chinese food last night & for lunch today & probably again for supper tonight.
• I think I am addicted to Facebook.
• I still haven't read / caught up on any blogs.
• We are full of snot & have been watching too much Blue's Clues because I feel too lousy to make an effort in any physical activity.
• Sugar Daddy lost / stole all the fingernail clippers & my emery board even though he swears otherwise & so I've been using baby nail clippers until today. You know how hard that is?
• I am now readjusting the bullet points again because stupid Blogger goes all weird if you add a picture after you wrote stuff, especially in point form. Argh!

Hoping:

• To meet my new friend at the Zoo tomorrow.
• To be able to steel myself for driving across the floating bridge to get to the Zoo.
• My dog stops crapping soon.
• To upload some videos soon.
• To start running or going to the gym so I can tone up.
• To finish one damn scrapbook soon.
• To get tickets for the Zoo Tunes I want to see. (Pink Martini & The Be Good Tanyas)

Latest Doodle stats:

• Weight = 19 lbs = <3rd %ile
  Height = 29.5 inches = 3rd %ile
• Head = 48 cm = 88th %ile
• Still on the boob & now asks for "ilk"
• Still super cute.

Best pants ever!

See I told you I was writing an update

18 months old is what you are Freyja Doodles & this is to you.

So my little coppertop, I haven’t written about you in a while & I’m sorry but you’ve been a little much for me until a few weeks ago. I had some hints before your birthday that you possesed a temper, but I wasn’t expecting any major tantrums until closer to the “terrible twos”. Nu huh! You decided that when mama wasn’t doing something you wanted her to do, or was taking her sweet ass time getting a (much needed) cup of coffee, that that was the time to begin:

a. Screaming
b. Sobbing
c. Clawing at my legs (ouch)
d. Hyperventilating
e. Prying mama’s toes off the floor (double ouch!)
f. Flopping to the ground to provide more of a. & b.
g. Attempting to fling or twist your body out of protective arms whilst doing a., b., & c. in public, near traffic or in the bath

This started happening a hell of a lot once we got back from x-mas (vacation? Not!) out East. You were still pretty sick & we had to keep giving you nasty medicines &amp; that evil nebulizer treatment which made you madder than a rabid wolverine. Then you’d cry & cry & cry until you almost passed out which made my heart shatter into little teeny tiny pieces. I think you were so pissed off about that situation that you must have felt you had no control over any part of your life. This just had to coincide with the moment you most wanted to assert your independence to date. You didn’t have a lot of strength left after losing over a pound but of course you had just enough to throw a good tantrum & kick me in the stomach as I quickly removed you from your desires. Obviously any chance of a happy life for you was completely ruined because mama wouldn’t let you steal an Elmo puppet or go for another ride on the escalator. A fate worse than death was apparently having daddy come home from work to ask for a hug because you would scream for a good half hour. God forbid mummy asking him to give you a bath. Only mama would do & yet I was apparently making you miserable by refusing to let you play with the knobs on the stove or watch Baby MacDonald for the umpteenth time.

And so, I had turned into what any mother fears. I was that woman who couldn’t control her offspring. You know the one. That stressed out gal in the grocery store who just needs to go down one more aisle (being one way too many) so she can get some Goldfish crackers to shove down cranky pants’ throat. The one who rushes past the booze section thinking hmmmm. The one who is trying to talk some reason into her seething, screeching toddler while also attempting to distract the child with some dumbass song or groddy toy that has been hastily stashed into the diaper bag.

Sidenote: Yes, I bought a diaper bag. Yes, it is awesome. Yes, I went 16 months without purchasing one. Yes, I was proud of myself for not dishing out the moolah. Yes, I told expectant pals they didn’t need no stinkin’ diaper bag. That was until I noticed the amount of crumbs & grossness in the bottom of my cheap slouchy Old Navy purse & MEC small backpack. Plus the amount of food & entertainment crap I was suddenly carrying was busting some of the seams. Anyway, I got this beauty & I lurve it. And yes, I am done talking about my bag.

So ya, I was that woman that you’ve looked at in the mall barely able to hold onto her thrashing brat who is catterwauling at the top of their lungs. I look back at you now from the other side of the fence & smile sheepishly embarrassed while really I’m pissed off that I have another bruise on my leg/arm/hip & that you, oh yes, the perfect child. Either that or you are some obnoxious teen so I don’t really give a shit because I was obnoxious once too. (still?)(really how old am I? trashing on teenagers. Sheesh!)

Needless to say life was very frustrating trying to figure out what you wanted, what I could do to keep you calm & how to somehow find a baby straightjacket on the web (where else?) so you couldn’t hit me with your surprisingly strong limbs or scratch up both of our faces because I had yet again forgot to trim your talons fingernails while you slept. Because I was probably sleeping too. After all, I had become incredibly exhausted both physically & mentally with trying to wrangle you & figure out how to deal with the meltdowns. Finally I made my way back to the internets after what felt like the longest hiatus in the history of the weeb. I spent one evening lurking on message boards, reading Ask Moxie & others in an attempt to find some help.
Through all the assvice I learned what I could & spent the next few days totally focusing on what Doodles wanted. No other distractions allowed. When I could see a storm brewing I’d get down to her level & talk to her about what she was feeling & then we’d go do what she wanted, even if I was in the middle of making lunch. We avoided all toy stores & favorite places you hate to leave just so I wouldn’t have to say ‘no, time to go’. This all seemed to help us out & I got better with offering distractions which worked almost all the time. Probably the best thing I did though was start signing to you again.

I’d done a few basic signs from the beginning, like milk, sleep, bath but got discouraged because you only did the milk sign & then you'd use it for just about anything you wanted. Milk could mean milk / gimme the teddy / I want to see the squirrel / I want cheese. So while I didn’t give up, I didn’t use the signs all the time & we just sort of lost track together. Come tantrumville I decided we needed to be able to communicate better (yes I know this sounds like I’m dealing with a disfuctional adult instead of treating my baby like a baby) so both of our frustration levels could ease up a bit. I started signing again & suddenly you were picking them all up & actually signing back to me. Awesome! All at once things began to get better between us & you could tell me when you wanted more, when you wanted to read a book, when you needed a cup of water or that you saw a lion.

Ahhhhh. Now I didn’t have a 2’-5” primate tyring to scrabble up my legs whilst howling at me all day. Sure it still happened every so often but it wasn’t for an entire day anymore which made me feel like I could breathe again. You also started to get a bit better about hanging out with daddy as long as you couldn’t see or hear me. Finally I could shower by myself every so often – what a treat!

Another treat was having you start talking more. You’d said oggy (dog), mammm, poppy & a few other before xmas but suddenly you are now off to the races & have become quite the little parrot. It seems like every time you learn a new sign that you can say the word itself a few days later. Favorites have been up, hop, out, hot, clock & all your animal noises. The past few days it’s been cat, house, milk & pen. Oh and how could I forget your ultimate tool – the word more. More milk, more music, more stickers, more tickling, more everything. There are many other words that you know & I’m trying to write them down every once in a while to keep track but then I’m lame & totally forget.

You have also impressed us by sort of learning the alphabet. It started with the foam letters in the bathtub & the wonderful letter I. Daddy soon got you recognizing most of the other letters & once I bought the They Might Be Giants Here Come the ABCs dvd/cd you were totally hooked. Of course you don’t get them right all the time but it’s pretty cool when we are out & you start saying Deeee because you saw the letter D on the back of a truck. You are also starting to recognize colours & shapes know how to recognize an Appaloosa from an other kind of horse. Your favorite colours appear to be purple & blue, though I think you secretly love orange & pink. Actually that’s me.

Let’s see, what else? You are a very determined & opinionated little person & will toss a book across the room if you rather read a different one. You are an excellent climber & whenever I turn my back you are up on the coffee or end table doing a funky dance. And dance you like to do. Unless it’s at our dance class. Then it takes you a good while to warm up to what’s happening & many times you’ve spent the class in my arms because you are scared of the parachute which is weird because you love it when we go to Gymboree. You get frightened of things that make a lot of noise like the vacuum, the play cars at the community centre & strange loud toys. You love stickers, Play-Doh, your rocking horse, your books & your stuffed animals. I could buy thousands of these items & you’d probably never get tired of them. Thanks goodness for Value Village down the street. We’ve totally lucked out on the toy & book selection there & despite a few missing pieces here & there we’ve amassed quite the collection of quality toys for super cheap. Plus some cheap ass toys as well that we’ll probably donate right back again.

Anyway (what is it with me & the anyway?) I should really post this before our friends reach through my laptop to give me a good shaking for being a non-blogging lazy bugger. I’m starting to feel more normal again since we are communicating better & with your new found confidence & indepence (sort of – I still have to be within walking distance) you let me get a few more things done throughout the day. Thanks for calming down the temper tantrums & for being so freaking cute I could smooch you all day. Thanks for not eating too much dog food & sharing you crackers with mama. Thanks for the talking &amp;amp;amp;amp; meowing & neighing & your sweet kisses & the beauty of your smile. Without you I would be nothing. Well not much anyway. Love mama.

My brain went on vacation & all you get is this lousy post

I swear I am writing an update. It's coming soon, promise.

I knew it had to end sometime

No not the blog.

Rather, I break my silence to inform you, my faithful friends, that my blissful halcyon days of not having to purchase feminine hygiene supplies are now over. I haven't had to use any such products (besides the days following Doodles's birth) since December 2004.

And that was a 55 day cycle.

That's right. 17 & a half months of freedom from plug purchases, PMS & bloating. That's what you get for extended breastfeeding I guess. At least that's what I got. It's been a sweet ride hormones. Thanks.

And just to keep the peace here's a couple of crazy baby toddler pics.







Big smiles in her groovy dress.









Mmmmmm bread!

This blog sucks

I mean really, what am I - down to one post a month? So pathetic.

I am not even trying anymore. It's just too damn hard. I know you folks back home want an update & I'm sort of trying to write one but it is slow going dudes. Slow going.

Anyway, there's new pics in the Flickr thing so go take a gander at our growing gal & I'll get back to everybody (& their blogs, etc.) when I can.

Sorry everyone.

What's my excuse?

I'm not really sure.

I suppose I could blame the lack of posts & comments & general internet lurking on the usual lack of sleep excuse. I wouldn't exactly be lying. We've had a crapload of sleep issues going on lately, going back to the holiday illnesses & the 24 hour nursing marathons. Plus the molars, the growth spurt & some crazy night terrors that have left me shell shocked. Seeing your tiny daughter in a trance-like state screaming loud enough to wake the dead (I now have witnesses to the volume level - they know I'm not exagerrating - right mumsy?) & not responding to your voice is really, really weird.

And tiny she is. We recently had her 15th month well baby check & vaccines. During the RSV episode where she refused solid food & then taking her time getting back on track, Doodle Bug lost over a pound. She is small to begin with. People are always remarking on how cute it is to see such a wee baby walking so well, thinking she's around 10 months old, so I was really curious to see where she was on the charts.

• Weight = 18.06 lbs = > 3rd %ile
• Height = 29" = > 10th %ile
• Head = 46.5 cm = 75th %ile according to the nurse but more than 97th %ile according to the internet calculator

That's right, our toddler is kinda a freak. It doesn't look like she has a ginormous noggin but apparently we are fooling ourselves. I like to think she's just brainy. Such is a mother's unconditional love, but really, her head doesn't look overly huge to me. She does seem little & some days a bit thin but hey, we're getting great use out of her wardrobe. She now fits into 12-18 month tops, but her legs are sort of short so there's a couple pairs of 6-12 month size jeans that she is still wearing. I think one pair are hand-me-downs & the other I paid $4 for. Woo hoo! Those savings of course are getting spent on Gymboree & disposable diapers. Ya that's right, I gave up on the cloth ones, just like everyone said I would. Want me to congratulate you or something? Bite me. Go on, I'm tasty.

(Hey at least I tried. I might try again if there's ever another go at this baby thing, but who knows if that'll ever happen. Right now this one is sticking crackers down my shirt into my bra. I don't know if I can take much more. Anyway if we do cloth again, I'd prefer to use all Fuzzi Bunz rather than the prefolds. Less bulk & so comfortably soft.)

Anyway, since Doodles is so small she still seems kind of babyish & therefore, innocent & vunerable. Which is part of the way I justify in my mind the fact that I am still nursing her to sleep, keeping her in bed with us & being wrapped around her delicate little fingers. As our dependence on one another eases I am finding this more & more exhausting, so now we are looking for a way to transition her to a more independent sleep. Before we moved I used to be able to put her down in the crib or on the bed & she'd fall asleep on her own. There were plenty of times I nursed her down because it was a sure thing but at least we knew she was capable of self soothing. With the stress of the big move & then the move across town I ended up nursing her to sleep every time. Then when we were sick & she wasn't eating I was nursing around the clock - it was like going back to the newborn stage (not to mention the evil threat of thrush from the antibiotics). It has eased off a bit since then but now it seems she's forgotten how to soothe herself back to sleep without me. I also used to be able to stay half asleep when I nursed her in the middle of the night & even pass out before we were finished. Now though, I can't seem to get comfortable & won't fall asleep until after she's done. Two weeks ago I was averaging about 3 hours of sleep a night. Now that the molars have broken through I'm getting more but she's still waking up about 3 times a night.

I don't mind it too much but it would be nice if she could figure out how to get back to sleep without my boobs. And without screeching. Sugar Daddy is capable of putting her down but not without a lot of crying. So... over the next little while we'll be attempting some No Cry Sleep Solutions (I like to call it the Pantley Removal Technique - get it? Ya I'm lame.). I'm expecting crying of course, but hopefully the screaming will be kept to a minimum.

Another part of the transition plan is to give her her own space. A place that is fun, comfortable & organized. Her room up till now has had the crib (filled with toys since she won't sleep in it anymore), the double bed without the frame, a large toy chest & books piled under the crib. It wasn't bad, but it's been driving me crazy. Not having a place for everything stresses me out & I have this thing about organizing books. I've been searching for a bookcase since we moved in. I wanted to do something girly & Pottery Barn-ish with white furniture & was hoping to persuade Grammy to make one of her fancy quilts. I tried searching for something cheaper because, well, I'm cheap (must be the Scottish genes), but everything I found was crap or not the right size. We finally settled on an IKEA one but then we were hanging out at Boutique de Target one night & I found this & fell in love.

Thing is, my idea of sweet white furniture would've meant purchasing a new bedframe & whatever else we ended up needing. We already had a black iron frame that came with the bed - not my ideal but decent. We also have a beautiful toy chest made by Poppy (Sugar Daddy's Daddy) that is honey pine. Anyway the grass skirt in the bedding set went nicely with the pine & the black iron matched the light fixture on the ceiling & the new fish tank (yup we now have two more pets) so I gave up on the Pottery Barn bedroom & decided to go kind of tropical. Now all the searching for the perfect white bookcase had been in vain because now I wanted something in honey pine to match the chest. Man it's hard to find a bookcase when you want one.

Then, suddenly, there it was. The perfect bookcase. Solid pine, honey colour, sturdy & totally matched the toy chest. See?


Yes the chest isn't actually being used as a toy chest, but it's full of stuff that isn't being used now & won't be for a while & the fish tank won't fit into the bookcase. This way it works as a nightstand & fish home. Hope that's ok Poppy.



Here's the bed with the Monkey Girl bedding, plus an awesome canopy from a different set under which I hung her dragonfly lights that had been over her crib in the old house. The monkeys are so cute & I just want to do the hula whenever I walk in the room.


Speaking of hula.....





check out the clock.

Her grass skirt & feet swing back & forth. Hillarious!

We are now teaching Freyja how to do the hula as only a white prairie girl & a guy from Newfoundland can do. My expertise resides in having watched Elvis movies & the episodes of the Brady Bunch that involved some haunted tiki idol thing. Sugar Daddy has no expertise except for maybe some drunk booty shaking.


Anyway, that's it. The room feels good now, it's organized & I can breathe. We just need to put a bit more art on the walls &amp;amp; get the matching monkey lamp & it's all done.

Now if only she'll sleep through the night in there, we'd be all set.

You gave me a wad of cash & all you get is this lousy list for Valentine's Day

To my first ray of sunshine

1. Thanks for making me laugh.
2. Thanks for having patience with me even though I think you are impatient.
3. Thanks for doing your share of diaper changes.
4. Thanks for always ordering the food on the phone for me, even though you think I’m nutso for being chicken about it.
5. Thanks for taking care of all the bills.
6. Thanks for being handy around the house even though you never quite finish anything.
7. Thanks for having good intentions.
8. Thanks for buying me chocolate & beer almost whenever I want.
9. Thanks for making me get my drivers license.
10. Thanks for taking me to Iceland.
11. Thanks for cooking lots of dinners.
12. Thanks for the Santa Claus pub crawls.
13. Thanks for putting up with my shit.
14. Thanks for making me do things even when I’m scared.
15. Thanks for burning all those cds.
16. Thanks for bringing us out West. Though I am lacking friends I am enjoying myself & it’s so nice to sit outside on a patio in February.
17. Thanks for being adventurous even if I keep expecting someone to call & tell me that you are in the hospital for doing some dumb trick on your bike.
18. Thanks for the most amazing meal of my life. Sorry I puked.
19. Thanks for putting up with my anxiety.
20. Thanks for when you do things by the rules I nag you about.
21. Thanks for taking the Doodles swimming & biking & throwing her up in the air even though it freaks me out.
22. Thanks for putting up with my book collection & my paper collection & all the other stuff I have trouble getting rid of.
23. Thanks for letting me have control of the remote 98% of the time.
24. Thanks for the video camera & not being bothered that I hog the digital one too, even though I think you should take more pictures.
25. Thanks for appreciating good beer & wine.
26. Thanks for playing your guitar for Doodlebug.
27. Thanks for being so smrt.
28. Thanks for killing creepy bugs for me & letting most of the spiders live.
29. Thanks for making up silly songs for your daughter.
30. Thanks for not getting too upset when she’d rather be with me than you.
31. Thanks for all the road trips & doing most of the driving. Sorry we always end up arguing.
32. Thanks for helping me out so much at school.
33. Thanks for teaching me computers back in 1992.
34. Thanks for working so hard & bringing home the bacon.
35. Thanks for letting me eat more bacon than you.
36. Thanks for letting me finally throw out those horrid rugby shorts.
37. Thanks for taking me rappelling over a 150 feet icy cliff for our first date.
38. Thanks for not telling me the ladder up that cliff was condemned until a few days later.
39. Thanks for being my friend.
40. Thanks for an awesome wedding 10 years after our first date.
41. Thanks for going to Dairy Queen so much when I was pregnant.
42. Thanks for supporting the breastfeeding.
43. Thanks for enjoying co-sleeping. Morning hugs feel great.
44. Thanks for trying to take me to the ballet. Sorry I didn’t go.
45. Thanks for taking dance classes with me.
46. Thanks for not being embarrassed about it.
47. Thanks for buying me flowers whenever just because.
48. Thanks for saying I look good even when I don’t.
49. Thanks for being a nice guy.
50. Thanks for loving me.

Most of all Valentine, thanks for helping make my second ray of sunshine.

Backfire Benadryl Buzz

Chickenpox it is - despite the vaccination over two months ago. But at least, because of that vaccination, it's a very mild case. Maybe somewhere between 50 - 70 spots or so & they are fading already. A couple of oatmeal baths, some Aveeno anti-itch concentrated lotion & she's been pretty content. The nurse on the phone told me to give the Coppertop a dose of Benadryl to help her sleep if the itching was bad. It wasn't terrible but she seemed pretty annoyed last night (could've been the lack of napping during the day) so I gave her about 1 tsp around 6 pm. I figured it would do the same to her as it does to me - knock her out (my only allowed sleep aid besides a beer or two). It seemed to do the trick & though she woke up to nurse a couple of times, I figured it was just because she hadn't eaten much that day. Anyway, here I am thinking how lucky I am to have it work without her having any weird side effects. She wakes up again around midnight scratching at her face & ears miserably so I think oh I'll just give her another dose so she can sleep again - it's been 6 hours so it should be fine.

The light gets turned on which wakes her up a bit. She freaks at the sight of the medicine-filled syringe & spits about a quarter of it up. By this time she's half awake & I'm thinking I'll just nurse her back to sleep as usual. Nope. Not even close.

We (her & I since Sugar Daddy couldn't / wouldn't stay awake) are up until some time close to 4 am playing on the bed, getting down, playing with the radio, going back & forth to her room getting various toys, reading & me trying desperately not to pass out from exhaustion so she doesn't end up drowning in the toilet or some similar disaster that runs through the brain on 2 hours of sleep. Holy crap, it was like she was on speed or something. Busy, busy, busy little bug. I've been calling her Coppertop for a while now due to the colour of her hair (so cute!), but now I guess I've got even more reason to.

So anyway, not much sleep, silly post poorly written & now I'm watching Oprah shove cake in her mouth out of the corner of my eye which is very disconcerting. Apologies for my lack of comments on this & everyone else's blogs & thanks for sticking with me. I've got e-mail to catch up on & thank-you cards to write. The last few weeks have been exhausting & the last thing I have time for is perusing the sphere, let alone come up with something pithy to say. At least things are starting to look healthier around here so maybe I'll get to catch up on some much needed sleep. Or not. I'm not holding my breath.

WTF?!

Oh my freaking god.....

I think she might have chicken pox now.

She had a vaccination for it in November so if it is the pox it should be a mild case, but just the same she's developing a rash. I noticed one spot on her knee this morning & now there's quite a few more - thighs, butt (where you don't really want an itch), lower belly & a couple on her her arms & back. Nothing on her face but we're back to the runny nose thing & she's also cutting three premolars right now so drool a plenty & crappy sleeps.

I really don't want to keep complaining but what is this, some sort of bizarre karmic retribution deal? Was she some evil despot in a previous life or something? I mean she can be a wee bit tyranical but hey, she's only 14 months old!

Please, please, please, don't start scratching my little Doodlebug.

~ On a good note, we figured out how to transfer videos from the camera to the laptop. It was easy enough for a monkey. Big surprise. ~

De-snotified

Looks like Snot-Fest is over. Since the goal of the festival was to glorify X-treme mucus excretions / secretions in all its forms & inflict as much pain & suffering as possible in the pursuit of spiritual enlightenment, it was a raving success. Well, maybe not the enlightenment. I did spend an inordinate amount of time pondering the mysteries of pain though (that would be wallowing in its inflicted misery) & my insight into psychological & physical suffering is undoubtedly profound. And so, gentle reader, since I shared with you the details of horking up mass quantities of chunky green phlegm, I only feel obligated to impart upon you my garnered wisdom which is, in a nutshell, this:

pain sucks.

It debilitates the mind & makes one a selfish cantankerous suckhole. Of course there is much more to my awesome thesis but I shall leave that for another day. Because I'm tired. From the pain. From my broken rib that I cracked hacking pieces of my lungs out. (Or possibly from sneezing 243 times in a row. Seriously, I broke a rib. Near my heart, under my boob, right where my bra strap is now digging in. I feel like I’m about 80 years old. Next I’ll be breaking a hip slipping on some spilt milk. Or dog piss.) From the crappy sleep I've been getting. From shoving syringes of medication down my child's throat while she cries "nay nay nay" (no). From fighting flailing limbs during diaper changes. From having to deal with the stupid dog while Sugar Daddy is out of town.

Guess what woke me up last night after finally falling asleep around midnight? Come on guess. 12:31 am & it’s the sound of dog piss hitting the floor of my ensuite bathroom. Yup. That's right. He's asleep, then suddenly gets up to take a whizz. Inside. Wait though.... that's not the best part. To top off the piddle, while I'm cleaning that mess up, hoping that Doodles won't wake, mr. asshole is taking a shit in my dining room! It's not like he didn't get any opportunities for doing this during the day either. At this point I'm just waiting for him to kick the bucket. Seriously.

O.K. What else is new? We switched antibiotics for the coppertop's ears as they weren't clearing up. On Sunday I noticed that she'd also cut a molar. I'm sure this was half the reason she was so miserable at the doctor's on Friday. Anyway, since it's come through she's been awesome - way more comfortable & happy (except at medicine time). Weird though is why she'd get a molar before some of the other ones. She's got 4 on top, 3 on the bottom & now this molar on the bottom with nothing in between. I think there's another one coming in on the other side too because she's been chewing on her fingers all week. Also, until yesterday, she has not been napping. From Sunday until Thursday afternoon the crazy monkey did not nap once. She'd go to bed earlier & wake later, thank goodness, but the lack of naps hasn't left me much time to do anything besides some much needed laundry. I have a million blogs to catch up on, some thank-you cards to write & yes, still, some photos to organize.

Did I tell you the silly baby broke our camera? She threw it off the half height wall that separates our living room from the dining area. The lcd screen is cracked & needs replacing. This happened once before when Sugar Daddy took it on a trip but then it was still under warranty. Now, we have to either buy another screen & attempt to fix it ourselves or get a new camera. Do you know how hard it is to take pictures through the tiniest viewfinder in the world? Plus you can’t see how crappy they turn out until you transfer them to the computer. The computer that is now running Vista, which is really pretty & all, but as of yet keeps crashing as soon as I put in the photo card. So now all the pictures from Ottawa are on Sugar Daddy’s laptop & he has yet to send them to mine. I am the keeper of all photos so this is totally driving me crazy. The video camera I got for xmas has made up for the lack of photo taking but I still haven’t had the chance to figure out how to transfer the stuff to my laptop. I’m sure it is so simple a monkey could do it but since I’ve sneezed out all my higher functioning brain cells I have given up on attempting anything harder than playing rounds of Mahjong.

Anyway, that’s it. Back to Sesame Street dvd’s, Mahjong & fighting with my internet connection. Toodles from the Doodles.

The one where I complain some more

No, no pictures yet. Because I suck. Because I'm too busy with our festival of snot. And pain filled cavities of bacteria infested snot. My eye sockets feel like I've got one of these being ravaged around inside them.









Looks painful eh? Oh hell ya!

My teeth feel like someone has been taking a hammer to them whilst I sleep. Who knows when that has been, because despite me having to keep my excrutiatingly tender eyelids shut to keep out painful triggers like retina burning sunshine (oh but what is that? It has been nothing but clouds & snow here.) for the majority of the day, it's been a good long time since I've had a snooze that lasted more than 3 hours at a time. Because either Doodle Bug is coughing, feverish or sleeping fitfully, or I wake myself up coughing & then I have to haul my ass out of bed so I can hork up chunks of green phlegm.

Oh sorry, did you not want to know that?

My bad.

This morning I got diagnosed with a sinus infection & was given scripts for antibiotics, decongestant / expectorant & was then offered one for vicodin. Though I was sorely tempted I figured it might not be a great thing to offer up in one's breastmilk. The doc told me if I waited for at least 4 hours before nursing it would be ok but since the little coppertop is still not well, she doesn't have much of an appetite for the solid food & wants to nurse more often than that. So alas, no vicodin. Just three extra strength Advils at a time. Even then, they are not quite enough to dull the pain completely.

We were then sent up to the pediatric office again because the Doodles wasn't looking too good either. We'd been there Friday for the pink eye (given drops - cleared up over the weekend) & were lucky to once again be fit in between the regular appointments & the head trauma that was on it's way. Since the xmas holidays emergency visits the poor baby has been traumatized & freaks out every time she sees a doctor's office / stethescope / syringe / inhaler mask / friendly nurse or doctor. Once she starts freakin' her breathing gets worse. So... more traumatic treatments & more crappy breathing. Today she got another start to a round of steroids & puffer meds to use in the nebulizer & to top it all off, antibiotics for an ear infection. We're also shoving advil down her throat for pain & fever.

It feels like we've had the plague for months & I'm so sick & tired of being sick & tired. If I'd known it was going to last like this I would've bought some shares in Kleenex or Puffs or Advil. Please somebody take me out back & put me out of my misery.

Getting back to normal?

Just thought I'd let you know, we finally made it back to our West Coast home. Lucky us got to spend an hour on the tarmac in Toronto while the maintainence crew tried to fix the cargo door. Since that was apparently impossible & a major flight hazard we then had to switch planes with another hour or so wait before taking off. Generous Air Canada gave everyone on board a free alcoholic beverage as compensation. Woo hoo! A free Coors Lite! I shoulda received 5 more for the having my heart in my eyeballs trying to deal with the crazy turbulence. It was probably the bumpiest ride I've ever been on. Nothing like being in a metal tube 30,000 feet above the oh so solid earth, while skipping frantically over waves of storm clouds blowing gale force winds. Fun. At least the silly baby slept almost the entire way.

Now that we are back, we are trying our best to recover from the RSV (I like to call it Respiratory Snot Virus). Seems she gave it to me so I'm hacking up my lungs periodically throughout the day & blowing my nose raw. Since Doodles doesn't know how to hork up mucus yet (I'm working on teaching her that trick) she spends the day rubbing her honker & smearing snot all over her face. I try to wipe it all away but some of it has made it into her peepers & it looks like she now has pink eye (conjunctivitis - viral). It's like she's got creamy snot in her tear ducts & it gets crusted on her lashes. I am about to try the breast milk in the eye remedy but if that doesn't work it looks like we'll be back at the doctor's sooner rather than later. This sickness is just so gross. We are walking snot factories & I've gone through half a box of kleenex in about an hour. At least her breathing is back to normal - still sounds like a mangy purring cat but hey, I miss having cats around.

Speaking of pets, we got Joxer the Mighty Dog back from the kennel the day after we got in (at 1am!) & he is still sulking around the house with a bitterness bred into the fibre of his being. Apparently he was outside for about a week as it turns out the kennel is outdoors. Sugar Daddy swears he didn't know this when he dropped hime off & so we are both feeling pretty guilty. The owners took him in for week two because he wasn't doing so good in the cold doghouse & he's come back to us about 8 pounds lighter. He looks great, like a puppy, but the weight loss is not helping our guilt any. Oh well, he's already back to stealing food from the baby so I'm sure it won't last long.

So that's it for the update. I've got photos to organize (my only resolution this year - hopefully manageble) & manipulate & post to Flickr. I'll get some up as soon as we can so you can share in the joy that was our xmas vacation. Photos coming soon include no scenic pictures of St. John's (because I barely went outdoors), perhaps a couple from the Doodles' christening (yes we heathens baptised our demon child), Sugar Daddy with his awesome Christmas present from me (just wait for the awesomeness) & maybe some video clips from my new toy (courtesy of the hubby). Signing off to go clean my mess. Later dudes.

Grounded

We were supposed to be back in Seattle by now. We arrived in Ottawa on the 30th after having a grand time in St. John's, hanging out with Sugar Daddy's family & celebrating Christmas. Doodle Bug had a runny nose before we left, but we weren't sure if was because of the tooth she was cutting or if she caught something from her cousins. On the plane ride she started coughing & seemed irritable & tired. It got worse from there.

She woke up with a fever the next morning & got progressively hotter & sicker throughout the day. Her nose was running profusely, she was coughing & sneezing & really really grumpy. We did the Tylenol infant cold treatment but by late afternoon she was burning up. I've never felt her that hot before & her breathing was starting to become really shallow, rapid & wheezy. When she started getting listless & unresponsive on top of all this we figured it was time to get some treatment. Being New Years Eve & a Sunday all the walk in clinics had closed at 3:00 so we had no choice but to go to emergency at CHEO.

Seems there was quite a number of other babies & tots there with the runny nose, cough & fever thing so we thought we were in for a long wait. The triage nurse had other plans however because once she assesed the terrified babe with breathing difficulties she sent us to the mask room where two other infants were being treated with what looked like steam. We were taken to a treatment room where we got a mask of our own that was filled with ventolin in a saline solution (this is how I understand it at least). The medicated vapor burbles out of the mask for 10 minutes at a time & she was to get three treatments in a row. I tried to hold her but the little fighter put up too much of a struggle for me to contain so her daddy got to do the dubious honours. Oh what a mess. She got some Tylenol & Advil to take down her high fever & then had to take a liquid steroid (prednisone I think). We had to wait 4 hours after the steroid was administered before we were allowed to go home so we spent hours rocking her, reading, eating crappy food & listening to wailing babies & kids. Strange how it all becomes background noise after a while.

Because she had been exposed to her cousin with pnemonia we were told she'd have to have a chest & heart x-ray to rule out the possibility of her symptoms being the result of having that herself. Count yourself lucky if you've never had to witness your small child get a chest x-ray. Holy fuck - it was the most heartbreaking sight. I had to place her on this little bicycle type seat with her legs dangling beneath her. Then I had to hold her arms up straight above her head while the technician placed two pieces of plexiglass around her torso, pinning her arms in place. The pieces were velcroed together so she was stuck in this clear tube with only her feet & face free. The feet kicked in protest as she screamed (good for the xray but not my heart) & cried trapped in the evil contraption. At first she faced the wall away from me but then she was turned to the side so she could see me out of the corner of her eye. The look of terror & the sadness of betrayal pretty much broke me to pieces. I'll never be able to wipe that picture from my mind. But hey, no pnemonia so we were finally able to head back to my aunt's place where we were (& still are) staying.

We fought the fever & the poor breathing all night & no one got a good night's sleep though we were all exhausted. The next morning she seemed a bit better but wouldn't eat, had no voice, was still running a fever though not nearly as bad & was beside herself with uncomfortableness. The previous day all she would eat was two mandarin oranges & one eighth of a jar of baby food. The day before that she had also not eaten much but was nursing quite a bit. With all the breastmilk & no solids we were back in seedy liquid diapers that we hadn't experienced in months. All the acidity from that plus the irritation of the urine bag the night before (plastic baggy stuck to her skin to get a urine sample) gave way to terrible diaper rash. So the poor kid was having teething pain, burning privates, sore throat from being sick & screaming, fever off & on, chest congestion & breathing difficulties. I've never felt so useless in trying to make my baby comfortable.

Then her breathing got worse again. Her rate was probably triple what it normally is, very shallow & raspy. We decided to head over to CHEO again because the ventolin puffer (with spacer) wasn't controlling it anymore despite having administered it every two hours & then every twenty minutes. We could see the panic developing in her eyes & she was exhausted from just breathing. Once again the triage nurse sends us for treatment right away & we start round two of the masks. Thankfully tonight there will be no chest xray, pee bag or steroid gel being shoved into her mouth. Just some Advil for her hoarse throat that was barely able to squeak out her protests against her torture. She fell asleep during the mask treatments but would wake up with terror in her eyes everytime one of the fantastic nurses came in to check on her. It was so pitiful & I was at the end of my wits trying to keep back my tears.

Oh ya. Then she got the mucus augered out of her nose. That was fun. I got to hold her legs while hubby held her head & arms as the nurse suctioned out the snot. At least they diagnosed something from it. Turns out the poor sweetie has RSV. Most kids will get this virus before the age of three & it normally presents itself as a cold. Some kids are apparently at risk for a more severe reaction to the bug than others, like preemies & those with respiratory problems like asthma. From what I gather those that get a severe bout are then more likely to be diagnosed with asthma later, but whether it's because they had that in the first place that made them more prone to a severe attack or if the RSV triggered the asthma no one seems to know.

So we pretty much have our diagnoses of asthma with the obvious difficulties she was having, her response to the drugs & her over-inflated lungs in the chest x-ray. The RSV has been a miserable bugger but as of today, after sleeping about 20 hours in the last 24, she seems to be coughing a bit less. When we spoke to the doctor about having to travel the next day she expressly forbade us from getting on a plane for at least the next 5 days, if not a week so we are grounded until Sunday at the very least. I guess that means we technically now have the time to see the people we have not had a chance to see yet, but I don't want to take the Doodles around anyone who has wee ones as we're not sure how long she will be contagious. We are armed to the teeth with medicine & Sugar Daddy got a script for a nebulizer (same type of machine that the hospital uses to make the vaporous ventolin) so we've been using that to keep her lungs as clear as we can. I can't say enough about the awesomeness of CHEO & their wonderful emergency staff. Hopefully none of you will ever have reason to use their services, but if you do, you will be in the best of hands.

Anyway, just thought I'd keep you all up to date even though I'm making you suffer with piss poor writing skillz. I'm exhausted & sick & so full of leftover xmas food that I'm almost comatose. Ugh.