De-snotified

Looks like Snot-Fest is over. Since the goal of the festival was to glorify X-treme mucus excretions / secretions in all its forms & inflict as much pain & suffering as possible in the pursuit of spiritual enlightenment, it was a raving success. Well, maybe not the enlightenment. I did spend an inordinate amount of time pondering the mysteries of pain though (that would be wallowing in its inflicted misery) & my insight into psychological & physical suffering is undoubtedly profound. And so, gentle reader, since I shared with you the details of horking up mass quantities of chunky green phlegm, I only feel obligated to impart upon you my garnered wisdom which is, in a nutshell, this:

pain sucks.

It debilitates the mind & makes one a selfish cantankerous suckhole. Of course there is much more to my awesome thesis but I shall leave that for another day. Because I'm tired. From the pain. From my broken rib that I cracked hacking pieces of my lungs out. (Or possibly from sneezing 243 times in a row. Seriously, I broke a rib. Near my heart, under my boob, right where my bra strap is now digging in. I feel like I’m about 80 years old. Next I’ll be breaking a hip slipping on some spilt milk. Or dog piss.) From the crappy sleep I've been getting. From shoving syringes of medication down my child's throat while she cries "nay nay nay" (no). From fighting flailing limbs during diaper changes. From having to deal with the stupid dog while Sugar Daddy is out of town.

Guess what woke me up last night after finally falling asleep around midnight? Come on guess. 12:31 am & it’s the sound of dog piss hitting the floor of my ensuite bathroom. Yup. That's right. He's asleep, then suddenly gets up to take a whizz. Inside. Wait though.... that's not the best part. To top off the piddle, while I'm cleaning that mess up, hoping that Doodles won't wake, mr. asshole is taking a shit in my dining room! It's not like he didn't get any opportunities for doing this during the day either. At this point I'm just waiting for him to kick the bucket. Seriously.

O.K. What else is new? We switched antibiotics for the coppertop's ears as they weren't clearing up. On Sunday I noticed that she'd also cut a molar. I'm sure this was half the reason she was so miserable at the doctor's on Friday. Anyway, since it's come through she's been awesome - way more comfortable & happy (except at medicine time). Weird though is why she'd get a molar before some of the other ones. She's got 4 on top, 3 on the bottom & now this molar on the bottom with nothing in between. I think there's another one coming in on the other side too because she's been chewing on her fingers all week. Also, until yesterday, she has not been napping. From Sunday until Thursday afternoon the crazy monkey did not nap once. She'd go to bed earlier & wake later, thank goodness, but the lack of naps hasn't left me much time to do anything besides some much needed laundry. I have a million blogs to catch up on, some thank-you cards to write & yes, still, some photos to organize.

Did I tell you the silly baby broke our camera? She threw it off the half height wall that separates our living room from the dining area. The lcd screen is cracked & needs replacing. This happened once before when Sugar Daddy took it on a trip but then it was still under warranty. Now, we have to either buy another screen & attempt to fix it ourselves or get a new camera. Do you know how hard it is to take pictures through the tiniest viewfinder in the world? Plus you can’t see how crappy they turn out until you transfer them to the computer. The computer that is now running Vista, which is really pretty & all, but as of yet keeps crashing as soon as I put in the photo card. So now all the pictures from Ottawa are on Sugar Daddy’s laptop & he has yet to send them to mine. I am the keeper of all photos so this is totally driving me crazy. The video camera I got for xmas has made up for the lack of photo taking but I still haven’t had the chance to figure out how to transfer the stuff to my laptop. I’m sure it is so simple a monkey could do it but since I’ve sneezed out all my higher functioning brain cells I have given up on attempting anything harder than playing rounds of Mahjong.

Anyway, that’s it. Back to Sesame Street dvd’s, Mahjong & fighting with my internet connection. Toodles from the Doodles.

Oops I did it again

Oh my aching back. I think I slipped a disc yesterday picking up the Doodle Bug. I did this once previously & it was major suckage for about 6 + weeks. That time it was just before getting knocked up & I did it shovelling snow from our driveway (the back, not the knocking up though that would've been fun for our neighbors). It was a lift & twist motion that got me since I was bending at the knees like a good snow shoveller with a propensity for weird injuries. Same thing this time.

During our hopefully last foray to the mall for xmas gifts Sugar Daddy was searching for something special for his mom while I played baby wrangler. She had only slept for about 30 minutes that morning so by 5 yesterday she was going into overtired crazy mode & started picking up the charity promotion teddy bears that were lined up on the store floor we were looking in. She'd pick up one & then another so she had one in each hand, then she'd drop one & pick up another so by the time we left she'd touched each of the thousand bears in the store. Then of course, since she'd staken her claim to all of them by way of the grabbing she took a fit when I tried to make her put them back. We've been getting a taste of tantrum around here lately if the girl doesn't get what she wants. We are on a rollercoaster to hell people. She'll screech like a frenzied bat & then lose function in her legs as she assumes the position of either head on floor between her knees or the one where her back arches into a rigid backwards C as she collapes into my arms crying like her entire world is coming apart. It's good fun.

Anyway I think she did the head to knee position first & then as I tried to pick her & one of the bears up she manoevered into her next pose which made me swivel so as not to drop her on the floor. I shoulda dropped her. I felt the twinge in my lower spine as I did this & a quick "oh oh" flitted into my consciousness. Followed by an out loud "oh shit!" which got the attention of most of the remaining bears & store employees. Still I got her thrashing body in my arms & tried to quell the screams of frustration by promising ice cream. No go. She had to have one of those damn bears. Being the suckers that we are, she broke us down into whimpering puddles of weakly made jello. Jello that easily caved on our mutual promises of not to succumb to the pitfall of having little plastic cards in our wallets & to the ever-mutating whims of our whiny child. How far we have fallen in our quest for an unspoiled, quiet & even-tempered tot. But you knew that would happen didn't you?

So, my back appears to be frigged right up. Not quite as bad as last time but I'm having trouble sitting on my ass which I like to do a lot. Lying on my side to nurse is excrutiating & there's shooting daggers being thrust down my legs from time to time. I'm trying to spend my time lying on my back & then doing gentle upper body lifts while lying on my belly (as prescribed by the physio last time) but it's a little difficult when Doodles just wants me to pick her up all the time. If she'd just let me lie on the floor all day while I drink away the pain everything would be hunky dory. Maybe we can reach some kind of compromise. I'll let you know. Gotta go lie down & think about beer for a while.