I am so not cut out for this job

I'm not good with this tantrum stage. It wears me down & burns me out. I'm trying my best to deal with them but it's like living with a manic depressive on crystal meth. One minute Doodles is sweet as pie, calling me "mama" & giving me kisses. The next minute she's thrown herself on the floor, screaming at top volume, bawling her eyes out because I told her not to eat lip balm. If we're out on the town she'll take it to the next level & add in some shin kicking & thrashing herself out of my arms because I have to drag her away from some fine china.

This was my yesterday & the day before & a few days before that as well. It was happening a couple of months ago but we nipped it in the bud with more sign language. All of a sudden the tantrums are back & with a new intensity. I'm not good with conflict. I hate loud noises, like high pitched screaming. I hate feeling embarrassed by bad behaviour (ya I know she's only little, it's a stage, blah, blah, blah). I hate not knowing what to do. I hate feeling angry & frustrated with a little kid. I hate it when she won't listen to me (or can't hear over her screams). What the hell am I doing wrong?

Maybe it's all in the stars. This was my horoscope yesterday:

"Stress might be getting the better of a member of your household today, dear Virgo. This person is feeling especially volatile emotionally, and the least little irritation could set off a temper tantrum. Try to ease the pressure by staying out of the way - and don't offer advice, however well intentioned it should be. This person needs to come to terms with whatever may be bothering him or her. So distance yourself and do your own thing!"

Other than the tantrums, she's doing great so I'm trying to concentrate on that to get me through the days. Her language skills have really taken off lately & she's got about 150 words in her vocabulary, plus all her animal noises. She's kind of freaking us out with her parrotting & we're going to start having to watch our words really soon. Doodle Bug already know how to say "ass" & Sugar Daddy keeps egging her on to say it. She knows most of her letters & colours, though she gets them mixed up from time to time. She's trying to count & will call out the numbers 8, 3, 10 & 18 as she goes down the stairs (which as of yesterday she can go down forward, no hands - talk about scary!). They aren't in order of course but it's pretty cute. So these are the things I try to think about when she's being a crazy nutbar & hope that the next developmental stage is around the nearest corner.

I was hoping it was the leather one

so I could ask for something like this, or this, or even these.

But alas, the second anniversary calls for cotton, or wow, "desk items".

That's right. I've been writing under the Bunmaster masthead for two years. If you can call it writing. Or maybe the lack thereof. Unwriting? Perhaps it's like an Unbirthday. If that's the case you are welcome to do as the song suggests ..... "It's great to drink to someone and I guess that you will do." You being me, not you. You get to drink. Me? Maybe. If I don't pass out from the pain of these freaking cramps first. I forgot what this could be like. Ugh.

I'd like to be all cool & link to a few of my favorite posts like the well-read bloggers do but lately I feel nothing I've done really warrants a closer look. If you are desperate you can go here for last year's explanation about me blogging. Or if you want a really good laugh check out this meme I did last June. Crunches? Nah. That crap about getting the baby to sleep through the night - still hasn't happened.

Oh the naivete.

In no particular order....

Good:

• America's Next Top Model finale is on tonight.
• Doodles learned how to say her name (almost understandable).
• She woke up this morning saying "cat".
• The weather here is awesome.
• I have yet to kill my dog while Sugar Daddy is away on business.
• I purchased new fingernail clippers that I will now hide from my husband.
• Doodles also learned how to walk backwards & sideways & now throws these skills into her dance repertoire.
• Ben & Jerry's ice cream is cheap here so I don't have to drive to Stowe for the free samples anymore.
• Facebook is fun.
• Doodles has been napping for the past 2.5 hours. Ack!

Bad:

• I don't know how else to put this but the dog is pissing shit.
• The dog stinks & I refuse to wipe his ass.
• Frizzy hair.
• I ate too much Chinese food last night & for lunch today & probably again for supper tonight.
• I think I am addicted to Facebook.
• I still haven't read / caught up on any blogs.
• We are full of snot & have been watching too much Blue's Clues because I feel too lousy to make an effort in any physical activity.
• Sugar Daddy lost / stole all the fingernail clippers & my emery board even though he swears otherwise & so I've been using baby nail clippers until today. You know how hard that is?
• I am now readjusting the bullet points again because stupid Blogger goes all weird if you add a picture after you wrote stuff, especially in point form. Argh!

Hoping:

• To meet my new friend at the Zoo tomorrow.
• To be able to steel myself for driving across the floating bridge to get to the Zoo.
• My dog stops crapping soon.
• To upload some videos soon.
• To start running or going to the gym so I can tone up.
• To finish one damn scrapbook soon.
• To get tickets for the Zoo Tunes I want to see. (Pink Martini & The Be Good Tanyas)

Latest Doodle stats:

• Weight = 19 lbs = <3rd %ile
  Height = 29.5 inches = 3rd %ile
• Head = 48 cm = 88th %ile
• Still on the boob & now asks for "ilk"
• Still super cute.

Best pants ever!

I knew it had to end sometime

No not the blog.

Rather, I break my silence to inform you, my faithful friends, that my blissful halcyon days of not having to purchase feminine hygiene supplies are now over. I haven't had to use any such products (besides the days following Doodles's birth) since December 2004.

And that was a 55 day cycle.

That's right. 17 & a half months of freedom from plug purchases, PMS & bloating. That's what you get for extended breastfeeding I guess. At least that's what I got. It's been a sweet ride hormones. Thanks.

And just to keep the peace here's a couple of crazy baby toddler pics.







Big smiles in her groovy dress.









Mmmmmm bread!

This blog sucks

I mean really, what am I - down to one post a month? So pathetic.

I am not even trying anymore. It's just too damn hard. I know you folks back home want an update & I'm sort of trying to write one but it is slow going dudes. Slow going.

Anyway, there's new pics in the Flickr thing so go take a gander at our growing gal & I'll get back to everybody (& their blogs, etc.) when I can.

Sorry everyone.

De-snotified

Looks like Snot-Fest is over. Since the goal of the festival was to glorify X-treme mucus excretions / secretions in all its forms & inflict as much pain & suffering as possible in the pursuit of spiritual enlightenment, it was a raving success. Well, maybe not the enlightenment. I did spend an inordinate amount of time pondering the mysteries of pain though (that would be wallowing in its inflicted misery) & my insight into psychological & physical suffering is undoubtedly profound. And so, gentle reader, since I shared with you the details of horking up mass quantities of chunky green phlegm, I only feel obligated to impart upon you my garnered wisdom which is, in a nutshell, this:

pain sucks.

It debilitates the mind & makes one a selfish cantankerous suckhole. Of course there is much more to my awesome thesis but I shall leave that for another day. Because I'm tired. From the pain. From my broken rib that I cracked hacking pieces of my lungs out. (Or possibly from sneezing 243 times in a row. Seriously, I broke a rib. Near my heart, under my boob, right where my bra strap is now digging in. I feel like I’m about 80 years old. Next I’ll be breaking a hip slipping on some spilt milk. Or dog piss.) From the crappy sleep I've been getting. From shoving syringes of medication down my child's throat while she cries "nay nay nay" (no). From fighting flailing limbs during diaper changes. From having to deal with the stupid dog while Sugar Daddy is out of town.

Guess what woke me up last night after finally falling asleep around midnight? Come on guess. 12:31 am & it’s the sound of dog piss hitting the floor of my ensuite bathroom. Yup. That's right. He's asleep, then suddenly gets up to take a whizz. Inside. Wait though.... that's not the best part. To top off the piddle, while I'm cleaning that mess up, hoping that Doodles won't wake, mr. asshole is taking a shit in my dining room! It's not like he didn't get any opportunities for doing this during the day either. At this point I'm just waiting for him to kick the bucket. Seriously.

O.K. What else is new? We switched antibiotics for the coppertop's ears as they weren't clearing up. On Sunday I noticed that she'd also cut a molar. I'm sure this was half the reason she was so miserable at the doctor's on Friday. Anyway, since it's come through she's been awesome - way more comfortable & happy (except at medicine time). Weird though is why she'd get a molar before some of the other ones. She's got 4 on top, 3 on the bottom & now this molar on the bottom with nothing in between. I think there's another one coming in on the other side too because she's been chewing on her fingers all week. Also, until yesterday, she has not been napping. From Sunday until Thursday afternoon the crazy monkey did not nap once. She'd go to bed earlier & wake later, thank goodness, but the lack of naps hasn't left me much time to do anything besides some much needed laundry. I have a million blogs to catch up on, some thank-you cards to write & yes, still, some photos to organize.

Did I tell you the silly baby broke our camera? She threw it off the half height wall that separates our living room from the dining area. The lcd screen is cracked & needs replacing. This happened once before when Sugar Daddy took it on a trip but then it was still under warranty. Now, we have to either buy another screen & attempt to fix it ourselves or get a new camera. Do you know how hard it is to take pictures through the tiniest viewfinder in the world? Plus you can’t see how crappy they turn out until you transfer them to the computer. The computer that is now running Vista, which is really pretty & all, but as of yet keeps crashing as soon as I put in the photo card. So now all the pictures from Ottawa are on Sugar Daddy’s laptop & he has yet to send them to mine. I am the keeper of all photos so this is totally driving me crazy. The video camera I got for xmas has made up for the lack of photo taking but I still haven’t had the chance to figure out how to transfer the stuff to my laptop. I’m sure it is so simple a monkey could do it but since I’ve sneezed out all my higher functioning brain cells I have given up on attempting anything harder than playing rounds of Mahjong.

Anyway, that’s it. Back to Sesame Street dvd’s, Mahjong & fighting with my internet connection. Toodles from the Doodles.

The one where I complain some more

No, no pictures yet. Because I suck. Because I'm too busy with our festival of snot. And pain filled cavities of bacteria infested snot. My eye sockets feel like I've got one of these being ravaged around inside them.









Looks painful eh? Oh hell ya!

My teeth feel like someone has been taking a hammer to them whilst I sleep. Who knows when that has been, because despite me having to keep my excrutiatingly tender eyelids shut to keep out painful triggers like retina burning sunshine (oh but what is that? It has been nothing but clouds & snow here.) for the majority of the day, it's been a good long time since I've had a snooze that lasted more than 3 hours at a time. Because either Doodle Bug is coughing, feverish or sleeping fitfully, or I wake myself up coughing & then I have to haul my ass out of bed so I can hork up chunks of green phlegm.

Oh sorry, did you not want to know that?

My bad.

This morning I got diagnosed with a sinus infection & was given scripts for antibiotics, decongestant / expectorant & was then offered one for vicodin. Though I was sorely tempted I figured it might not be a great thing to offer up in one's breastmilk. The doc told me if I waited for at least 4 hours before nursing it would be ok but since the little coppertop is still not well, she doesn't have much of an appetite for the solid food & wants to nurse more often than that. So alas, no vicodin. Just three extra strength Advils at a time. Even then, they are not quite enough to dull the pain completely.

We were then sent up to the pediatric office again because the Doodles wasn't looking too good either. We'd been there Friday for the pink eye (given drops - cleared up over the weekend) & were lucky to once again be fit in between the regular appointments & the head trauma that was on it's way. Since the xmas holidays emergency visits the poor baby has been traumatized & freaks out every time she sees a doctor's office / stethescope / syringe / inhaler mask / friendly nurse or doctor. Once she starts freakin' her breathing gets worse. So... more traumatic treatments & more crappy breathing. Today she got another start to a round of steroids & puffer meds to use in the nebulizer & to top it all off, antibiotics for an ear infection. We're also shoving advil down her throat for pain & fever.

It feels like we've had the plague for months & I'm so sick & tired of being sick & tired. If I'd known it was going to last like this I would've bought some shares in Kleenex or Puffs or Advil. Please somebody take me out back & put me out of my misery.

Getting back to normal?

Just thought I'd let you know, we finally made it back to our West Coast home. Lucky us got to spend an hour on the tarmac in Toronto while the maintainence crew tried to fix the cargo door. Since that was apparently impossible & a major flight hazard we then had to switch planes with another hour or so wait before taking off. Generous Air Canada gave everyone on board a free alcoholic beverage as compensation. Woo hoo! A free Coors Lite! I shoulda received 5 more for the having my heart in my eyeballs trying to deal with the crazy turbulence. It was probably the bumpiest ride I've ever been on. Nothing like being in a metal tube 30,000 feet above the oh so solid earth, while skipping frantically over waves of storm clouds blowing gale force winds. Fun. At least the silly baby slept almost the entire way.

Now that we are back, we are trying our best to recover from the RSV (I like to call it Respiratory Snot Virus). Seems she gave it to me so I'm hacking up my lungs periodically throughout the day & blowing my nose raw. Since Doodles doesn't know how to hork up mucus yet (I'm working on teaching her that trick) she spends the day rubbing her honker & smearing snot all over her face. I try to wipe it all away but some of it has made it into her peepers & it looks like she now has pink eye (conjunctivitis - viral). It's like she's got creamy snot in her tear ducts & it gets crusted on her lashes. I am about to try the breast milk in the eye remedy but if that doesn't work it looks like we'll be back at the doctor's sooner rather than later. This sickness is just so gross. We are walking snot factories & I've gone through half a box of kleenex in about an hour. At least her breathing is back to normal - still sounds like a mangy purring cat but hey, I miss having cats around.

Speaking of pets, we got Joxer the Mighty Dog back from the kennel the day after we got in (at 1am!) & he is still sulking around the house with a bitterness bred into the fibre of his being. Apparently he was outside for about a week as it turns out the kennel is outdoors. Sugar Daddy swears he didn't know this when he dropped hime off & so we are both feeling pretty guilty. The owners took him in for week two because he wasn't doing so good in the cold doghouse & he's come back to us about 8 pounds lighter. He looks great, like a puppy, but the weight loss is not helping our guilt any. Oh well, he's already back to stealing food from the baby so I'm sure it won't last long.

So that's it for the update. I've got photos to organize (my only resolution this year - hopefully manageble) & manipulate & post to Flickr. I'll get some up as soon as we can so you can share in the joy that was our xmas vacation. Photos coming soon include no scenic pictures of St. John's (because I barely went outdoors), perhaps a couple from the Doodles' christening (yes we heathens baptised our demon child), Sugar Daddy with his awesome Christmas present from me (just wait for the awesomeness) & maybe some video clips from my new toy (courtesy of the hubby). Signing off to go clean my mess. Later dudes.

Oops I did it again

Oh my aching back. I think I slipped a disc yesterday picking up the Doodle Bug. I did this once previously & it was major suckage for about 6 + weeks. That time it was just before getting knocked up & I did it shovelling snow from our driveway (the back, not the knocking up though that would've been fun for our neighbors). It was a lift & twist motion that got me since I was bending at the knees like a good snow shoveller with a propensity for weird injuries. Same thing this time.

During our hopefully last foray to the mall for xmas gifts Sugar Daddy was searching for something special for his mom while I played baby wrangler. She had only slept for about 30 minutes that morning so by 5 yesterday she was going into overtired crazy mode & started picking up the charity promotion teddy bears that were lined up on the store floor we were looking in. She'd pick up one & then another so she had one in each hand, then she'd drop one & pick up another so by the time we left she'd touched each of the thousand bears in the store. Then of course, since she'd staken her claim to all of them by way of the grabbing she took a fit when I tried to make her put them back. We've been getting a taste of tantrum around here lately if the girl doesn't get what she wants. We are on a rollercoaster to hell people. She'll screech like a frenzied bat & then lose function in her legs as she assumes the position of either head on floor between her knees or the one where her back arches into a rigid backwards C as she collapes into my arms crying like her entire world is coming apart. It's good fun.

Anyway I think she did the head to knee position first & then as I tried to pick her & one of the bears up she manoevered into her next pose which made me swivel so as not to drop her on the floor. I shoulda dropped her. I felt the twinge in my lower spine as I did this & a quick "oh oh" flitted into my consciousness. Followed by an out loud "oh shit!" which got the attention of most of the remaining bears & store employees. Still I got her thrashing body in my arms & tried to quell the screams of frustration by promising ice cream. No go. She had to have one of those damn bears. Being the suckers that we are, she broke us down into whimpering puddles of weakly made jello. Jello that easily caved on our mutual promises of not to succumb to the pitfall of having little plastic cards in our wallets & to the ever-mutating whims of our whiny child. How far we have fallen in our quest for an unspoiled, quiet & even-tempered tot. But you knew that would happen didn't you?

So, my back appears to be frigged right up. Not quite as bad as last time but I'm having trouble sitting on my ass which I like to do a lot. Lying on my side to nurse is excrutiating & there's shooting daggers being thrust down my legs from time to time. I'm trying to spend my time lying on my back & then doing gentle upper body lifts while lying on my belly (as prescribed by the physio last time) but it's a little difficult when Doodles just wants me to pick her up all the time. If she'd just let me lie on the floor all day while I drink away the pain everything would be hunky dory. Maybe we can reach some kind of compromise. I'll let you know. Gotta go lie down & think about beer for a while.

For lack of brain power

I'd like to do a meme that I stole from the most awesome DaniGirl. I have lots to write about but I just can't get myself in gear. I'm burnt out from too much Xmas shopping. Anyway here's a very long list of stuff I have (in bold) & have not done. Be prepared for my fantasticness.

01. bought everyone in the bar a drink (I'm too poor / cheap)
02. swam with wild dolphins
03. climbed a mountain (two, plus a few really really big hills)
04. taken a ferrari for a test drive
05. been inside the great pyramid
06. held a tarantula (Little Ray's Repile Zoo)
07. taken a candlelit bath with someone (awkward)
08. said "i love you" and meant it
09. hugged a tree
10. bungee jumped
11. visited paris (hated it the first time & got maced at New Years the next time)
12. watched a lightning storm at sea
13. stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. seen the northern lights
15. gone to a huge sports game (I wouldn't say huge)
16. walked the stairs to the top of the leaning tower of pisa (it was closed for repairs)
17. grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. touched an iceberg
19. slept under the stars
20. changed a baby's diaper (plenty)
21. taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. watched a meteor shower
23. gotten drunk on champagne
24. given more than you can afford to charity (well Sugar Daddy did on my part)
25. looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. had a food fight
28. bet on a winning horse (when I was 12)
29. asked out a stranger
30. had a snowball fight
31. screamed as loudly as you possibly can (In the car)
32. held a lamb (lived on a sheep farm)
33. seen a total eclipse
34. ridden a roller coaster (hated it)
35. hit a home run (I suck)
36. danced like a fool and not cared who was looking (countless times)
37. adopted an accent for an entire day (not really on purpose - it just happens)
38. actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment (a moment or two)
39. had two hard drives for your computer (does an external one count?)
40. visited all 50 states (22 I think)
41. taken care of someone who was drunk
42. had amazing friends
43. danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. watched whales
45. stolen a sign (Paddy's Day drunkeness)
46. backpacked in europe
47. taken a road-trip
48. gone rock climbing (I actually used to be decent)
49. midnight walk on the beach
50. gone sky diving
51. visited ireland (so close but never made it)
52. been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love (oh sure)
53. in a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
54. visited japan
55. milked a cow (fresh milk is kind of gross)
56. alphabetized your cds
57. pretended to be a superhero (does the Bionic Woman count?)
58. sung karaoke (only when drunk)
59. lounged around in bed all day
60. played touch football
61. gone scuba diving (once in a pool & I freaked out)
62. kissed in the rain
63. played in the mud
64. played in the rain
65. gone to a drive-in theater
66. visited the great wall of china
67. started a business
68. fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. toured ancient sites
70. taken a martial arts class
71. played d&d for more than 6 hours straight
72. gotten married
73. been in a movie (nope but on tv a few times)
74. crashed a party
75. gotten divorced
76. gone without food for 5 days
77. made cookies from scratch
78. won first prize in a costume contest
79. ridden a gondola in venice
80. gotten a tattoo
81. rafted the snake river (went on the Athabasca)
82. been on television news programs as an "expert"
83. gotten flowers for no reason
84. performed on stage
85. been to las vegas
86. recorded music (er....)
87. eaten shark (tried whale in Iceland - it tasted like liver. Yuck!)
88. kissed on the first date
89. gone to thailand
90. bought a house
91. been in a combat zone
92. buried one/both of your parents
93. been on a cruise ship
94. spoken more than one language fluently
95. performed in rocky horror
96. raised children
97. followed your favorite band/singer on tour (once my friends & I followed Jesus Jones from Winnipeg to Minneapolis, plus I've supported a few friend's bands by driving to Brandon - woo hoo!)
98. passed out cold (fainted a few times - never from booze)
99. taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country (how about biking in Cape Cod?)
100. picked up and moved to another city to just start over (more than once)
101. walked the golden gate bridge
102. sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
103. had plastic surgery
104. survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
105. wrote articles for a large publication (I wouldn't say large)
106. lost over 100 pounds
107. held someone while they were having a flashback
108. piloted an airplane
109. touched a stingray
110. broken someone's heart (I think so)
111. helped an animal give birth (so cool - sheep, cat, dog)
112. won money on a t.v. game show
113. broken a bone (a few little ones along with a cracked tailbone - twice)
114. gone on an african photo safari
115. had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol (shotgun when I was 14)
117. eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild (hallucinegenic ones count right?)
sidenote where is 118?
119. had major surgery
120. had a snake as a pet
121. hiked to the bottom of the grand canyon
122. slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours (mono)
123. visited more foreign countries than u.s. states (I think it's about equal)
124. visited all 7 continents
125. taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. eaten kangaroo meat
127. eaten sushi
128. had your picture in the newspaper
129. changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about (hopefully)
130. gone back to school
131. parasailed
132. touched a cockroach
133. eaten fried green tomatoes
134. read The Iliad
135. selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read (a few)
136. killed and prepared an animal for eating (a fish a long time ago)
137. skipped all your school reunions (you know I was never notified - what does that tell you?)
138. communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. been elected to public office
140. written your own computer language
141. thought to yourself that you're living your dream (for a moment or two)
142. had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. built your own PC from parts
144. sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you (school art auction)
145. had a booth at a street fair (face painting on Canada Day / lemonade stand)
146. dyed your hair
147. been a dj
148. shaved your head (pretty damn close)
149. caused a car accident
150. saved someone's life

That's it. I'll try & write properly soon.

P.S. Huge congratulations to G & K on the birth of Douglas!